realize i haven't been posting anything constructive...

...

I'm taking leave... 2 precious days! for PUNJ CAMP! yay...

since my 2 days of leave has been announced many times in my workplace, i shall take joy in it and say once again... I'm thankful for the 2 days leave... even though i may have to face the music when i start work again on monday. I'm thankful for the break from work. I'm thankful to Him who is the most impt person of all, for the chance to take a rest and spend time with the punjers and bb/gb kids. I'm thankful that there are no major pressing issues at work though i may have some probs... oh dear oh dear... this must stop. the stress from wondering abt work and whether i'm doing the right thing and whether there'll be a storm... this must stop. Work is not the be all and end all. It should not engulf me such that it affects my walk with God, my personal time and my character. Yet i must admit that most of my complaints and issues to be dealt with are work related. Even now, i'm blogging abt it. =P Haiz... this is bad. "Dear God, please help me in this area... To be responsible, upright, wise in speech and actions in my workplace... To balance work and other parts of me well such that none is forsaken, especially u..." i really don't want to keep worrying abt work. It is most frustrating and makes me self-centred and self-pityful. It is disgusting. That's why i don't really like to start talking abt work coz i don't like to burden pple and it somehow makes me think more abt it...

What is the measure of working right and being a Christian who works well under God's authority? I'm looking forward to the camp's workshop on work and studies.. if i'm going for it.. hhahhaha... hmm actually this is not something i haven't heard before or been in workshops in. However, it is easy to know and have the head knowledge but it is another thing to practice what we know. haiz... in short, what does it mean in practical terms?

anywayz... i've strayed from my original intention of writing in this post... just these words:

YAY! It is LEAVE and HOLIDAYS time! IT IS PUNJ CAMP!!!!

okie. it is fin. i'm going to bed and pack for the camp tml =P

Today's a day of rest for me.. FINALLY...

But.. what shall i do with it?

It is weird having no where to rush, no work to think about... nothing... just enjoying time... spending time with my family... even frying a simple french toast... it is just surreal... haha...

Rest... what shall i do with it?

Sleep... slept early last night... nice...

Rest...day.. what shall i do with it?

Blog... actually... it is weird blogging now... don't really know what to write... can't really tell whether my life has become an open book where all except me can tell what's going on, or i've become closed with a veil covering my heart...

Rest... what... shall... i ... do?

Pray... read the bible... spend quiet time... it is said that to rest is to rest in Him. but what does that mean? to know him? to tell him all my troubles, my fears, my hopes, my joys? to be more like him by praying for others? to enjoy this relationship that was once broken but now by his grace and mercy... bridged. mended. when he has given so much... what have i to give? my all... yet even on a day of rest, it is of such a low priority... =(

School of life

Thought i'll share about a School of Life that has been stuck on my desk and collecting dust for a couple of years...

Are you tired, bored or frustrated with your school life?
Welcome to Jesus' school of Discipleship.
Where the prerequisites for entry are not grades or achievements or money, but a willing and sacrificial heart.
Where school has no starting and ending hours, but runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Where the school ground is not a building, but life itself.
Where the lessons are taught not with books and pens and pencils, but with the events and happenings of everyday life.
Where nothing is extra-curricular, for everything in life is curricular.
Where there is only one Textbook, and it is never outdated, never wrong, and you can never finish understanding it.
Where the qualities looked out for are not intelligence, strength and self-confidence, but weakness, humility and brokenness.
Where the outcomes for diligence are not grades, awards and honours, but more humility, peace and joy.
Where you don't have to pay school fees, but all your basic needs are provided for.
Where you will never work, nor struggle, nor suffer, alone.
Where you don't have to make appointments with teachers for help, but help is always present.
Where tests don't come periodically, but every day, every minute, every moment.
Where passing a test doesn't mean that you will be praised, but it means that you will be humbled.
Where failing a test doesn't mean that you will be kicked out, but you will still be smiled at, encouraged, and given another chance.
Where the goal of tests is not to give you empty grades, but lasting character.
Where the rules of the school do not need to be enforced, but are willingly obeyed.
Where you are never forced to conform, but are truly set free to be yourself.
Where work is not a chore, but a joy.
Where work is not filed and thrown away after it has been marked, but lasts and bears fruit to eternity in heaven.
Where things never get monotonous or routine or meaningless, but everyday brings a new adventure.
Where you are not taught how to merely survive and get by in this world, but how to make a real lasting difference.
Where you will not be changed from the outside in, but from the inside out.
Where the higher you progress, the lower you must go.
Where not the worst students, but the best students, suffer.
Where the marks of a true student are not success and achievements, but love and suffering.
Where you will have to give up everything, but somehow will gain everything back - and more.
Where you only graduate from the school when your life ends, but it is a fantastic graduation beyond description.
Where the overarching principle of it all is not success or ranking, but LOVE.
And where meeting the Principal is not the greatest fear of every student, but the greatest joy, and literally something to die for.
Are you interested in enrolling?

"If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever who desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." Matthew 16: 24-25

questions

This post will be a series of questions.... questions that i've been thinking about, questions i find hard to answer... and questions perhaps you can try to answer...

1) What do you do when you've only 1 day a week to spare?

2) What will you do when the people around you and you yourself are stressed and rushing around?

a. smile brightly and bring a smile to pple's faces so they won't bark at you
b. hum
c. fret and look a mess
d. pray
e. complain/vent frustration on others

3) How much of your time do/should you spend on work/people?

4) What are we doing right now with our lives? Am living it as i should?

5) What will i do if i were down and out... will i keep trusting and holding on to the promises of my Lord and God... the one who remains faithful from alpha to omega?

updates updates

heh... i know it has been a looong time since i last blogged. thanks guys for asking and still coming to find out if there's movement ahaha... there have been a few reasons for my silence... firstly, coz i'm juz too tired most days to switch on my comp when i reach home juz in time to eat, wash and sleep. manz am i gonna grow a huge tummy soon hahah... i've also attempted to write some stuff when i'm finally at my comp, but by the time i've read some blogs, and clicked the "create post", i'm in a blank. with words just stuck and eyes-a-rolling to dreamland. bleah. another reason is that there's been many things that have been happening, and things i'm still trying to get used to. things that fill my mind and make me silent.

okie wow. juz my reasons for not blogging alone took up a number of lines =P maybe i can get the hang of it by the end of this post haha...

argh. you know what?? there are 5 main things that i wanna talk abt. but it is like some brainstorming session that's in a mess. ya noe, those words that pop up and you write 'em down... like this:

woRk RelaTionships... sAlt friends goal Purpose
time punj why? sian. Pain mask.....
Cabaret... precious drain show Stresssss sandwich
wAlL sob.... Joy biscuits.

and the list goes on =P

so if you're wondering what i'm driving at with this jumble of words, here goes.

1) Work

Yes. the work which most pple don't know abt and needn't know abt... and for pple who have been asking "how's work?" well, work hasn't been smooth sailing. it's been a tremendously tiring and bumpy journey so far. and before you think i'm gonna enter into a groaning mode hahah.... well, i'll love to... but nah...i'll mix you up with a cup of thanksgiving and a cup of grumbling =P i'm thankful i enjoyed the first 2 weeks of slack. for the grind that came from then on is painful and a drain on my health and relationships. i was pretty depressed and stressed for a couple of weeks. with clients and pple barking and chasing... having to be on my toes and dancing to other pple's tune... having to know how to do stuff and ask the right questions at the right time... having to remember stuff despite the multitasking that is required... and one thing that bothered me much was why? why do some pple have to go through different treatments? what makes pple like or dislike others? why is there office politics in almost every job? almost everyday i have to remind myself and be reminded that this is the day that the Lord hath made, that He is sovereign over all things, and that i've to be a salt and light even here, not losing my saltiness. HAIZ. yesh. i've been sighing alot at my workstation. huge HAIZ. hahaha... helps me relieve stress you know hehehe... However, i'm thankful for the friends that came in with me, and the friends i found who encouraged me, cheered me up and listened to me. heh though i normally keep mum about my worries and stuff and seriously zip up in silence when i'm in a super worried/thoughtful mood. I thank God too for the understanding, support and prayer from my family and friends, who've been tirelessly asking me whether i'm having lunch, dinner (mostly biscuits which we're all getting sick of *puke* hehe), coming home early, etc; leaving food for me, waiting up for me, encouraging me, and keeping me sane and focused on things that really matter in life.

2) Cabaret

oooh yeah! managed to rush to the musical last saturday with my 2 friends heh... and yeah wasn't in the right mind to enjoy something which i normally greatly enjoy. but nvm that. it was hmm not exactly fantastic. =P it was hmm how should i put it? explicit? heh. and the props weren't that fantastic too... the singing and acting was okie... but heh as one of the songs went, life is but a cabaret, they were trying hard to smile and liven the atmosphere with a show within a show. though the plot wasn't that clear, the thing that impacted me was the whole performance and cabaret of life that the world goes through. everyone seems to be putting on a mask/an act for survival, which seems particularly striking during a war and in the working environment. another takeaway was that despite the sinful pleasures in life, they are short lived and don't really matter. no matter how glorious, colourful, bright or justified we try to make them, they still form part of a downward spiral in life. sooo i wonder whether my tombstone will read: "was a wonderful actress, who made the cabaret her life"? hmmm... *ponders*

3) Relationships

friendships and kinships have been neglected even more since i started work. =P sorry... not something i like doing - neglecting pple... but something that is affected when i'm overwhelmed by the many things that i've to learn to handle. and i do go into withdrawal on and off for the purpose of re-charging. another relationship issue that has cropped up increasingly over the years by different pple is that of being in a 'couple' relationship since some pple don't like the word bgr. =P why do pple enter into a relationship? why do pple [oh no. at this point, i'm starting to enter into the sleepy dreamland zone! argh. can't think properly. quick quick quick!] okie... so despite all the books and little conversations, i still am a little fuzzy wuzzy abt this whole issue like how do pple become attached, why do pple become attached, what do pple look out for, and why... why some just don't work out? like hmm after all the effort, emotions, and stuff that has been put in, fewer time spent with others, etc, it must be an extremely heart wrenching thing to find that at the end of the day, things just can't be what we hoped for... and afterall, who can we depend on for a lasting relationship but Him who has been faithful throughout the ages? hmm... yeah... i'm clueless... and maybe a little apprehensive abt all these things... and yesh i don't know what i'm talking about now... fuzzy wuzzy is the word.

4) Precious life

Every moment spent with family and friends is and should be a blessing. Who knows how long we will live and whenst ailments may take us away? For now we may be healthy and take things for granted; the next, struggling to hang on, be strong and make ends meet. Life is precious indeed. For us who believe in Christ - of His merciful forgiving act in taking our punishment of death, and of the hope of eternal life with Him - looking forward to seeing Him face to face one day may make such pain more bearable. But since we are still here on earth, i guess we shouldn't take life for granted... how am i treating the pple around me? how am i loving them? have i been spending effective time with them? have i been doing my part in sharing the precious gospel with pple whom i care about? am i even thinking about and acting upon the word and work of God? Life is precious. am i living it as i should be?

5) ministry

i don't often talk about ministries or what i serve in/do in the busy life i've had... but yeah... i think it is pretty exciting working with pple who love God and who want to use what little they have to serve His people. (though it makes me feel a little guilty at times haha for not putting in as much enthusiasm or effort in being part of the ministries both in CF and church heh...) i'm also glad that we've the freedom in serving in different ways, both big and small so that we can try our hand at different stuff and do our part in loving one another in practical ways. =) i do find it a continual challenge in living a life that's pleasing to Him, and guiding pple in knowing more about God and us through His word and living it out is an upheaval task that much prayer is needed indeed...

haha okie so i've sorta finished my posting for today. i'm looking forward to having a good night's rest... a wednesday off coz of Singapore's Birthday =) ... a time with friends taking photographs again... seeing a new baby... and hmm friday and the weekend!!!!

Commencement Ceremony

Days gone by

Days gone by
Greetings turned to goodbyes
Youthful energy sapped with the passing of time
Pink glow of health faded by ailments at unexpected times

Days gone by
When did it ever go by?
What was future and present now past...
Why did it not knock each time it passed?

Days gone by
Joyful remembrance or a regretful sigh?
Will the bloom of yesteryears
Droop in a multitude of fears?

Days gone by
Cannot turn back time nor cry
Only live every moment without a sigh
Look to the one to whom million years are but a day gone by

beauty sleep

and here i am... juz sitting around... in d quiet of d night... thinking abt stuff...

with the ticking of d clock... half past midnight... ....

it is late!!!!!!! YaaaAAAaaaaWWwwwwnnnnnn ...

yeah it is late for me now =P can't take late nights these days... am i getting old?? or is it coz i know i gotta wake up early the next day and wanna store up on rest?

but tonight's special. =)

it is Friday... Friday night =) plus i don't have to go to work tomorrow! =) *sorry, i can't stop smiling at this =)* there are a couple of things i wanna TGIF for.

1) He saw me through my first week of work =) 2) It is not that stressful yet 3) I got to meet up with some PUNJers during d week! imagine... 4) my immediate supervisor seems pretty nice 5) some uni friends in d same workplace 6) getting to know colleagues 7) i got to be home for dinners most days =) 8) my dad's most loving transport hahah... impt for talking time, QT, sleep, n poor feet! 9) all the best wishes upon starting work hahha... appreciate that =) oh. i realised it is more than a couple of thanksgiving oh well... aLOt of thanksgiving then =)

heh. hmmm. heh. guess what. i actually wanted to check mails, read blogs, chat, and update on stuff like camp, work etc... but i'm already in a 3/4s screen-saver mode =P so i've decided to head for slumber land. goodnight :)

Konichiwa!

make them strong n healthy ... morning exercise?

d kids r sooo cute!!! like lil ducklings!!!

one of d many scenes of calm n beauty

waterfall from melted snow...

Food, Food, and more FOod... breakfast, lunch... dinner...

to Japan

i'm off to Japan! cyaz after! for now, i'll leave ya with some photos...


SDE BBQ @ ECP =) Try looking for moi



DND... d remnants of BRE2002/2003 cohort??

reflections

heyz... i love the time when i can juz sit back and reflect on what's happening especially when things get too chaotic and i get too exhausted to think. =) amongst what i've been thinking about are studies, work, material things, and yes... life's purpose.

it is pretty weird coming to a break in my studies and exams for now, after being in an academic environment for more than 16 years. what is it like to finally enter the working world as a permanent salary earning errrmmm adult? will i be able to accustom myself to working in an environment filled with people of diverse backgrounds, backstabbing where competition and insecurities heat up, and lotsa Over Time? will i be able to perform for what i'm paid to do? will i bend according to the wind or will i remain firmly rooted and upright? will i throw in the towel before i even give myself and the job a worthy try? these are just some questions i've been silently musing over, and yet trying to shove under the carpet for fear it sounds pure pessimistic and stumbling before i even start work. yesh. i'm starting work on the 12th of june 2006. my first permanent job. heh and i am quite excited and mixed about the whole thing... how does one describe the feelings and thoughts that fleet by in moments of insecurity, uncertainty, and yet joy and anticipation like a little girl looking forward to a promised adventure just around the corner?

it is not just about work. it is about how i'm gonna walk from here... i'm worried about my walk with God in terms of being influenced by the attitudes and ways of the working world, and whether i've the time, energy and heart to do quiet time and serve... i.e. whether God will be in the centre of my life. you know, people ask what is my plan and what dreams and aspirations do i have? and what can i say? i'm in a dilemma for part of me wants to think and do according to the world by working and upgrading in terms of professionalism and further studies and perhaps further down the road when i'm old and grey to do little things like learning more skills and setting up an inn with home cooked stuff hahaha... perhaps. the other part of me wonders whether those plans are my own selfish desires and if He is at the centre of it all... the driving force behind them... i'm ashamed to say that more often than not, He isn't. haiz... where have those thoughts and desires to do something as a lifelong mission for Him who has given me life gone? be it going to a foreign land or right here, can i and will i live in obedience and worship? there are juz so many things i've failed in, things i cannot do and things i'm struggling with... but Lord, i hope and pray that i'll be able listen with my ears and watch/see with my eyes for whatever you've placed in my path... and help me trust in you. sigh... it is soooo difficult!!!!! argh.

unofficial graduation

Last official day in school!!!

egg zams

Exam period craziness... eh... representing, from left to right, bu 2nd, 4th, and 3rd year?

will i wait for you?

when my closest friends have run on ahead... i wanna know will i wait for you.
when they go out with beautiful girls instead, tell me now will i wait for you.
will i wait for you.......... the promise i've made to you years ago was true...

just heard this song by perry and the poorboys. i sorta thought of some stuff...

when the people around me go for the things of this world, will i run with them after these same things?

when the people around me define meaning in life by their other half, career, studies, wealth... will i define my life as such?

when the people around me have gone ahead to find someone juz so they won't be lonely, will i fret and run along too?

when i've spent my days running around, will i still remember... remember what i've promised you, to give my all to you?

when years down the road, i've somehow lost sight of the starting point and the vision becomes blurred with the perspiration and the heat, will i still see the finish line?

oh that i may remember you and not lose my way in the jungle of a zillion things... that the path you've set before me years ago on that rocky road to the cross will still be clear that i may follow it through.

shooo

i think the bird likes me. it wants to play with me. *roll eye*

it played "catch me if you can" today, waited til i was out of sight before coming... and fluffed its feathers like a proud/angry peacock when i stood with hands on hip daring it to come in.

shoo!!! go away! don't you ever come again! but seems like the bird thinks this is its home... and wants us as its owner. =P roasted bird anyone? nah... never could bear do it haha... no matter how angry it makes me haha... i still clean up its dirty business. argh. puke. talk about bird flu.

People in the journey of life

I think relationships are God's greatest gift to mankind... and perhaps that's why He did so much. is it not?

yeapz, on and off i'll be thinking of the many people in my very own journey of life. i'll think about the people who came and went, the things that happened, the joy, happiness, sadness, anger... the ups and the downs. =) the thoughts that went through my mind. ooh yeah. i'm really blessed by the people whom God has brought into my life, to show me my true colours, to teach me, to love, to bring me to Him, to share my life, and basically make my life interesting heha.

okie... i'm actually lost for words now. heh *brubrubbrubb* emotions welling in thanksgiving =)

oh yeah now i remember why i started writing this post! haha oopz. sorry really haphazard and basically me lah. i'm super jumbled. =P oh yeah anywayz, I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR THE 4 YEARS IN UNIVERSITY!!! hahah maybe 'cept for the stressful and hmm not being able to accomplish part =P it's been a really exciting 4 years for moi! i got to meet lotsa interesting pple... yesh you. those who are super lame and crappy. those who are super foodies (and many too!). those who are super hardworking and zai. i tell u... it's good to have a break now and then haha... those who are like moi... heh u noe who u are... those who are everything-also-can-juz-take-and-see-how-later, and so happens to be good jugglers. those who are slackers and fun. those who are sporty and those who attempt to be sporty. those who are passionate abt God. and many others...

and it is these very relationships that have given me much to thank God for. some have introduced different thoughts, viewpoints, believes and perceptions... thoughts i've come to cherish in challenging me to ponder over issues and appreciate what i have. i've also been encouraged and shall i say prodded along in my walk with God as i come to see more of His mercy and grace to me, to wanna play a part in His marvellous work no matter how small or big, or the problems that may surface along the way. conversations with people didn't remain as mere conversations but memories and impressions deeply lodged in my heart. they moulded me and prodded me towards a certain direction - to realise how sinful we are, and how in need of Him we are. the lostness of people as they stumble in the darkness and run in circles... the people relationships that are so fragile and so in need of a higher order to keep it together...

Who am i to say how relationships should be? but i am glad and contented for the many people i've come to know...

who am i that He should die for me? and who am i that wat i do is of any significance? but that as an offering of thanksgiving for the matchless mercy and grace given for me.

thank you for journeying with me. =)

BIRD PHOBIA

eeks. birds... you know you're really wonderful and all with ya chirpings and ability to fly in the air and colourful creatures you are... but hmm can you please please don't keep flying into my house??!!

yeap yeap my daddy loves to open the windows wide open and it does look super inviting haha... as i found out that my unit's windows are the most widely opened ones on the block. =P the birds have of late been paying us a visit and getting themselves stuck in the toilet doing their business =P argh. beats me how they know where to do their business... juz that one somehow got stuck in my house with no one around to chase it out and conveniently did its business!!!!!!!!! after the clean up, it still gives my mom n i the "beware. this is bird's territory" feeling. haiz.

heh but yeah i've quite a phobia on birds - especially its droppings haha... ever since one fateful day many years ago, when i was 'blessed' by a bird flying high above my head quaking away in glee. i was out in the garden after a nice shower, ready to go out for lunch. suddenly, i felt a knock on my head as if a stone had fallen on moi. =P to my horror, i found out that it was a bird dropping when i rubbed my head! haha... manz was i mad haha... of all things, of all times. =P

phua chu kang

Manz... lesson learnt. always remember to wear shoes!!!! how did i ever ever forget?!! *slaps forehead*

Integrated Project Mates

my Integrated Project group!! heee... don't we look like Construction Integrated Consultants? heehhe... how will we look like years later? hahaha...

english speaking corner 2006

it's back to 2 gals again... =) stephanie's and my 2 little frens =) catch up soon yar?

baby baby who are u?

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

received this in my email and tot i'll juz have a look at mine and whoala! that's what i read. grinz. I never can understand how people come up with such descriptions of whole, individual persons in such a collective manner. isn't it a bit general and conclusive? haha... how do they do it? pluck those from the clouds and dictionary? or concluded by observing and putting people of different months to the personality and character test? heee.. maybe...

whatever the case, haha... i think it does describe a bit of moi ... definitely not all... some parts here, some parts there. which ones do you think describes me? heh... perhaps you wouldn't know since i'm "difficult to fathom and to be understood", "secretive", and... unpredictable? hahah... juz find this pretty amusing. *ponders*.

ooh btw, this is one of those rare posts of mine these days! hmm... aiyah... heh... =)

exams coming up. and bang it's hols... short short hols... it's gonna be a new chapter soon... =/ anywayz happy studying and all the best to all ye muggers. cheers... as we drink from our fav mug.

okiez i'm off to bed. nitez!!!

Time gone by

heyz... it's been a while since i last posted. like the new look? hahah... thought i'll give my blog a revamp. prefer the larger reading space :P

it's been a whirlwind of a time... mostly spent on work work work. full stop. at times, i didn't even know what i was doing. i was drawn into the murky waters of projects, meetings, commitments, and the occasional panic of having to start looking for a job. basically, the ways of the world messed up in me. contradictingly, i hardly wanted to do anything. i just wanted to not do. a state of rebel i guess... or is it indifference?

it was an emotional ride too. and no matter how i tried to suppress my feelings, i think some inevitably spilled out and well i hope did not affect others too much. =P you know, sometimes i wish we weren't governed by emotions. that we wouldn't feel a thing so that nothing can affect us. let me be a robot so that i needn't be hurt, needn't be sensitive, needn't be affected by the people around me, needn't be irritated, needn't... Love. likewise, people won't expect me to be all these things, and won't be hurt too. then it won't be tiresome, won't be ugly... things can just run smoothly... it is just so hard to be loving. so hard to be someone approved. yet, we're called to love... to love God by obeying His commands, and to love one another. without love we're nothing... but my proud, sinful nature asks why should i love someone who doesn't seem to love me? why should i spend time loving when i run a risk of rejection?

....

what other answer is there but that Jesus Christ himself faced rejection from the people He loved... from me. yet, he still loved us and gave His life for us so that we may have eternal life! it's truly amazing! how did he ever do that? =P oh that one day we may all be super loving...

To: Rain

rain rain go away,
come again another day!
let that day
be at never-coming bay.

i don't wanna catch a cold,
for this i'm told,
that rain you bring the cold,
unless i hide beneath my quilt cover fold!

you fill up the holes,
splash into my poor shoe soles,
you bring a shiver to my soul
only calmed by a warm soup-filled bowl.

people don't wanna go out and play,
all the plans can go make hay,
wait til the sun comes out then say,
else i'll stay at home and make clay.

why all gloomy and sad?
are the clouds crying or thunderingly mad?
why can't you be like the sun the good lad?
oh i forgot, you have a part to play so you can't be all that bad.

rain rain do what you gotta do,
then let the dear light rule,
for we're all waiting for the sun to smile oh yes we do,
and for our shouts of joy to be heard too!

Emocomatose

i was in a state of emocomatose (emotions in comatose) the past one week or so... my very own new word to describe a complex state of feeling that brings me to no feeling-ness. great if u understand it... if not then it's okie heh coz i dun understand it myself.

maybe i know the reasons behind this 'emocomatose'... factors meshed up in a mess. i tried to untangle this mess, and pulled out a few strings.

dissertation in a dismally slow state with no mood for it. guilt towards my prof for slowness... came back on my own early the day after Christmas. sadness from leaving the family gathering and coming home to quietness. a little uneasy and unsettled coz part of the reason why i came back did not materialise in the end... but happy coz of the prcs and the time had with them... tiredness from all the rushing around, busyness, shopping, travelling, driving... boredom despite the busyness... stone-ness for watching tv to have noise in the house... lazyness to buy food to cook... not being serious in qt... silence.

ah... maybe it's the cancellation of the various factors so it balanced up to unfeeling-ness? dunno...

but praise God! He has brought me through... and i think... i think i'm slowly climbing out of that rut. ask me if i blame God for my 'emocomatose', i say... no. i couldn't coz i was emocomatose remember? tis partly my fault too... and i had some fruitful times despite my emocomatoseness. i got to know some prcs and some new acquiantances, i felt the need to talk to God coz of the silence, was reminded of the music from family noise, i realised i'm watching too much tv without much care for it anyway.

so yar. here i am with a few untangled ruffled pieces of string tt still doesn't quite make sense. tt's it. i'm gonna leave it as tt and move on. it's the new year manz! oh btw, one of the things that Pastor Chris' NYE sermon reminded me was... how do i know i'm gonna be here next NYE? hmm what am i gonna do with this uncertainty?