Only by Grace

I've always been amazed at how the bible reveals so much of Him and of us; always hitting the very core of our human sinfulness, revealing satan's constant desire to draw us away from God, and God's character and greatness. The past few weeks of bible studies have been thought provoking and in various ways urged me to live a life that God wants me to live while waiting for His return. To be assured that He and His kingdom is triumphant and to trust and depend on Him always by putting Him first in our lives. To bring all man to Christ in faith and maturity, that He may be our God and we His children.

However, it is and has never been a joy-ride, but a slow and difficult climb as i learn how hard it is to "carry the cross". Nevermind the external factors which makes it even harder. I believe God will ask me when i meet Him face to face, what is the condition of my heart rather than who or what has caused the condition of my heart to be in such a state. Have i been a good testimony and witness for Him? I very much want my answer to be "Yes", but i can't bring myself in all honesty and sincerity to say that.. but to admit with a miserable mumble and low-hung head that "No, i haven't". This constant tugging at my heart has often made me feel what a wretched person i am. God has done so much and yet how unchanged my life is. Will an outsider see the difference, that i am changed and set apart for Him? I cannot answer that... This coupled with busyness and the convenient "my immediate boss is so immature, so predictably unpredictable, poor manager, plays on her team members' emotions, unable to let go, doesn't help us feel like a team/develop our potentials etcetc" blame-it-on-my-boss attitude has caused my spiritual well-being to take a dive and me to enter into depression with a "everything oso dun care" attitude. I really want to go into solitude or go some where far on my own. To get a breather and freshen up. I have been pushing the blame to others and i suspect a little blame on God for giving me such a tough emotional roller-coaster ride to go through. I mean the "God i think i can be a better person if only you gave me an easier life" thought that i cannot deny has flickered across my mind at times. Yet Lord, where and how can i stand before you? My heart has grown cold, my eyes have strayed, resentment and depression overshadows the path that leads me to you, instability rocks the boat of peace and trust, my ears hear more unhappy inputs that bring more unrest. I have not set my heart of faith on you whose greatness and sovereignty far surpasses all things that i know, see and hear. I have not set my eyes on the cross on which you have given me new life. I have not set my hope on the kingdom and life that you have promised me so clearly in the bible. I have not listened with ears that hear. Lord i cannot stand before you on the day of judgement for i am but a wretched sinner. Who can stand before Your Righteousness? But only by grace am i saved. Only by grace and mercy...

What kind of love is this

What kind of love is this

What kind of love is this
That gave itself for me
I am the guilty one
Yet I go free
What kind of love is this
A love I've never known
I didn't even know His name
What kind of love is this

What kind of man is this
That died in agony
He who had done no wrong
Was crucified for me
What kind of man is this
Who laid aside His throne
That I may know the love of God
What kind of man is this

By grace I have been saved
It is the gift of God
He destined me to be His son
Such is His love
No eye has ever seen
No ear has ever heard
Nor has the heart of man conceived
What kind of love is this

Bryn & Sally Haworth
Copyrigh (c) 1983 Bella Music Ltd

Hidden in the crowd

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was hidden in the crowd, trying to walk in little steps for fear that big ones will cause her to trip and stumble over somebody in the crowd. She knew she was heading towards a certain direction, to the voice that reached her ears above the noise of the crowd. But she could not see as she was too tiny and the crowd was huge and they pushed her in all directions. She longed to have the path before her cleared so that she may see the person from whom the voice spoke wise words. She longed to get closer to him. All of the sudden, she found that the crowd had given way to her left and right and she could see the man who walked towards her. Shivering with fear and delight, she knew not what to do. So she tried to hide herself back in the crowd. However, the man held her hand and said: "Do not be afraid. I have paved the path for you so that the crowd will not lead you astray and you may see who i am and come to me. Follow me for i will guide you and hold you close to me."