Emocomatose

i was in a state of emocomatose (emotions in comatose) the past one week or so... my very own new word to describe a complex state of feeling that brings me to no feeling-ness. great if u understand it... if not then it's okie heh coz i dun understand it myself.

maybe i know the reasons behind this 'emocomatose'... factors meshed up in a mess. i tried to untangle this mess, and pulled out a few strings.

dissertation in a dismally slow state with no mood for it. guilt towards my prof for slowness... came back on my own early the day after Christmas. sadness from leaving the family gathering and coming home to quietness. a little uneasy and unsettled coz part of the reason why i came back did not materialise in the end... but happy coz of the prcs and the time had with them... tiredness from all the rushing around, busyness, shopping, travelling, driving... boredom despite the busyness... stone-ness for watching tv to have noise in the house... lazyness to buy food to cook... not being serious in qt... silence.

ah... maybe it's the cancellation of the various factors so it balanced up to unfeeling-ness? dunno...

but praise God! He has brought me through... and i think... i think i'm slowly climbing out of that rut. ask me if i blame God for my 'emocomatose', i say... no. i couldn't coz i was emocomatose remember? tis partly my fault too... and i had some fruitful times despite my emocomatoseness. i got to know some prcs and some new acquiantances, i felt the need to talk to God coz of the silence, was reminded of the music from family noise, i realised i'm watching too much tv without much care for it anyway.

so yar. here i am with a few untangled ruffled pieces of string tt still doesn't quite make sense. tt's it. i'm gonna leave it as tt and move on. it's the new year manz! oh btw, one of the things that Pastor Chris' NYE sermon reminded me was... how do i know i'm gonna be here next NYE? hmm what am i gonna do with this uncertainty?