Contentment

Juz some thoughts whilst reading a book...

Why do we always long for something more?

- When we have little, we worry it is not enough... when we have much, we still want more.
- The other side is always greener.
- Others are always getting better things, a better life.

We're not happy with where we are, not happy with who we are, not happy with people.
When will it end? Will we ever be satisfied, contented?

Will we be thankful for what we have, and be joyful when true contentment comes our way? Or will we be blind to that one thing which satisfies our thirst for more?

Content-ment. Content... contents...? having things inside? being filled? hmmm not sure...

Found an interesting definition of Contentment in dictionary.com:

contentment

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may
be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb.
13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor.
10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of
humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of
divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2
Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the
gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).

Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

friends

how much can one take?

how true can friendships be?

how long does it last?

how many do we need?

i really love making friends... isn't it good to know more people instead of cutting people off from my circle of friends? i really like to find out what makes people tick... and to see the different personalities and background at work...

however, as i get to meet more people, and my circle of friends widen, it feels kinda sad, taxing, even hypocritical coz of failure more often than not to meet the demands of time and energy required to keep a friendship going. who do i spend more time with? what do i do with them? so i try to know more people, but form deeper relationships with some.... allocate my meeting time... and try to be available whenever possible. but for me, it'll never seem enough. it seems biase. or perhaps, i think it may seem hypocritical to those who know me only at surface level. sigh... but i know i've limits... and what about other areas such as family, studies, activities? haiz... how Lord? what shall i do?

i juz wanna

i juz wanna shout to the Lord...
singing praises unto Him
no matter whether i'm up or down
i juz noe He's there for me and i can run...run...run...to Him

i juz wanna sing with thanksgiving
for being so forgiving
of all that i've done past and present
and i noe that He loves me coz he suffered...died...rose...for me

i juz wanna hide in His presence
taking refuge when it storms
as He calls us who are weary, come!
for i noe that i'll never thirst as i drink...drink...drink...from Him

Long day

it's monday... and i'm having the blues... well not really... at first...

i had a short, short day of school today. =) 9-10am lecture/tutorial which included short movie clips which was fun! and that's all i had today. really short hehh...

but i was in school til nearly 10pm coz of our first contact group meeting... the waiting part was long... but it was okie in the end and a well worth wait coz it was a great time of catching up with people and getting to know the new ones =) it's really wonderful seeing them new faces so bright, eager and expectant. heh... and i enjoyed the time of sharing and getting to know how alot of us really are natural introverts though the word introvert was banned towards the end =P oh well... we do have our quiet moments and yet are able to rise up to the occasion. heh. anyway, i do hope the rest will be able to make it for future meetings and that the numbers won't dwindle. it's a great start to a new sem so ooh God, continue to guide the cg in growing in love and knowledge of Him together?

i can't think very well now coz of this dullness of mind coming from a tempting lure of sleep so yeah... anyway was thinking my pointing fingers post was pretty harsh... is it? okie i think i better go zzz... really not functioning optimally... nitez... another long day tml... k really really nitez...

Pointing fingers

the ice breaker during this week's bible study was what are the common problems often found in the news?

wars. violence. corruption. poverty. environmental degradation. family breakups.

what do people have to say? who do people blame? what about you? who/what do you say is the cause of problems the world faces?

on a smaller scale closer to home?

back-stabbing. cutting people off from groups. smoking. drunkedness. debts. unhappiness. etc.

who do you blame? do you agree with any of the following answers?

i'll blame... others.

they've a problem and they are the cause of the problems so please don't come give me more problems coz you'll make my life miserable...

others are doing it, so why can't i do it? i need to protect my own interest and besides, one more person doing it doesn't make a difference. ie tradegy of the commons

it's all the government's fault. everything.

it's in the genes. we can't help it.

it's just a bad day.

man.

God. if there is a God, why doesn't he stop all these bad things? if he made the world, why is it in such a mess?

oh well... the list doesn't stop huh? and more often than not, we love to point fingers at everyone...but ourselves. if what the bible says is true, that sin (rejection of God's authority and sovereignty over the world and us, and hence the consequences we see all around us) came into the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve, well then, it's them we should blame! don't you think so? they started it and made us suffer for it! hmphz. but then... if we were them, will we do the same?

well, then GOd made man ya noe... so it must be his fault then. who asked him to make us able to disobey and do evil? who asked him to place the serpent and the devil to let us be tempted to do bad? who asked him to place the tree to tempt us? who asked him? not us. i wanna be good. i wanna be absolutely faultless. i wanna be puuurfect. i wanna have the freedom to choose and know that i'll make the right choice. not like adam. hmmm eh. if i was given the freedom to choose, but was programmed to make the right choice then where's the freedom in that?

but i guess... at the end of the day, we're juz missing the point. we're pointing aimlessly, desperately, at everywhere but ourselves. we refuse to point to our own defiance, and dismissal of God's sovereignty and rule over our lives and the world. we refuse to point to the heart of the matter, that we're sinners. we refuse to point to Jesus Christ as the answer and solution to our problem. hmm sigh... sometimes i wonder... can i juz keep my fingers to myself and not point anywhere? sigh... but that's a refusal to acknowledge the problems that are present hor? so complicated... or is it?

testing the boundary

after many weeks of sleeping early(most days 12midnight-1am), and waking up early (7am), i'm now back to my usual 2am zzz time. sigh... and it's getting more and more difficult getting up at 7am haiz... my alarm forms part of my dreams until the reality sinks in 45 minutes later... and thus begins yet another morning 'workout'. no time to slowly have breakfast and morning readings... no time to have a leisurely walk to the bus stop and class... juz a good morning workout. i'm testing the boundaries... how fast can i get to school? then the morning traffic congestion never fails to intrigue me... when will the traffic move? when will it stop? how will drivers and passengers react?

i'm testing the boundary... how much can i slack and get work done and sleep early? ah well... this boundary shouldn't be tested... it's a vicious cycle i say. slack...work...sleep late... wake up late... slack coz of effects of sleeping and waking up late... work... sleep late...ah... no go no go! i better keep within the boundary when workload piles up. =P

i'm testing the boundary... how much things can i get done in between? well... quite alot i say... but that's if i don't get stuck on msn and taking long time at emails. but well... this boundary is still being tested.

now i'm testing how much i can withstand before it's meal time again...

Marriage

hmmm wat's it abt marriage? marriage, dating, relationships... have been on people's lips. i think it's quite cool tt pple are open about it, and it's a totally new dimension i've come across ever. people around me are starting to get married, or engaged, or in some form of long term relationship. and it's marvellous seeing them with stars in their eyes and making a step towards commitment. =) this is so, even whilst marriages are breaking down and many are getting disillusioned about love and marriage. =P

wat's it then, that makes them attached, committed, and finally married? i suppose it's love(wat's love?), interests, trust, interdependence, etcetc... or is it coz there's an emptiness tt's to be filled? or coz everyone's getting attached? or coz of desires? or loneliness? i guess, there are many factors bah...

but when pple my age or younger are getting married, it feels real weird. not tt i'm not happy for them, i am, i really am! but it makes me think: wow! i'm not tt old am i? i feel like a child with many things to learn and explore... to be married now at my age? wow... i can't even imagine myself being a wife and a mother now. =P okie maybe, but well it's real weird all the same. who's d person i would want to spend d rest of my life with? wow... serious... it's a terrifying thought. how do you know that he's the one who'll spend d rest of his life with ya, building ya up in d meantime? *shrug* dunno.

tt's y i think it's pretty cool and strange at the same time if it can ever be so, tt my church's talking about marriage, dating/singlehood, family etc in recent sermons and bible studies. =) can u imagine? d bible even has stuff about marriage and finding a partner! wow... singlehood or marriage? wise or unwise? are juz some of d questions raised. =)

so wat now? haha... i'm still exploring oopz... and trying to mold myself more like my Lord bah... hard manz... real hard.

The poor hamster

I think i'll be a terrible hamster owner. heh. reason being? let ya noe soon.

had a rare, splendid, long evening nap and one of my dreams was about a hamster.

i had this hamster, and i kept it in a handbag or something. i took it out at times to pat and then put it back into the bag. and then! i suddenly remembered (in my dream) that i hadn't fed it or given it water to drink for days! and it was getting stiff (dunno y coz it wasn't dead in my dream) so i quickly grabbed some container and filled it with water for my hamster to drink and "liven up". so it drank and drank... then! it started to urinate! argh! and its urine was spilling over the table and into its drink! in my panicky state, i carried it and it started shooting urine all over the place! eeyucks. totally disgusting. it woke me from my slumber... maybe i woke up coz i couldn't handle the situation anymore, from almost starving and depriving it of water, to it not being toilet trained. =P

lunch time

it's lunch time now and i'm super duper full. again. with veg bee hoon with curry veg and toufoo, finished with thick kiwi juice which i've yet to finish. somehow, it's a combination which will make one's stomach stretch and say enough!

*sip*

it's the last week of hols before the sch term starts with all the projs and tests and watnots. but whilst everyone's flurrying trying to get things done or prepare for wat's to come, i feel as though school's started 10 weeks ago. =) and it's a pretty good feeling hahah... being in the groove of things and all. erhmm tt's wat i think now lah. *sip* for this sem i'm gonna have dissertation which is 8 modular credits, professional practice (construction) and total building performance as core modules. spent the most points on an engineering module: global environmental issues. heh i spent like 617 bidding points for it manz! it better be worth it haah... or rather i better make good use of it! =P *sip*

the past few days have been spent staring at the comp for long hours trying to analyze data collected on the dust concentration and temp and humidity. cheemalogy? it's juz analyzing how much air pollution we're breathing in and the effect of the temp and humidity on it. it's pretty disgusting thinking abt wat gets into our system and how it never gets out! so graphs, figures, excel, notepad, copying, pasting, extracting etcetc are now part of my ordinary life. *sip*

some how, i've been thinking abt something that was said at one of the sermons. we ask: "LORD do you LOVE ME?" we demand: "LORD show ME you LOVE ME!" but HE says: I have LOVED YOU... but have YOU loved me? *sip* (aaah... finished my kiwi juice and i'm feeling sooooo contented)I know He loves me. Though i'm in the depths of despair, though i may sink and fall, though rough storms brew and i often don't understand the things that come my way, i know. i just know He loves me. and i trust that he'll love me and keep me to the end. But...but... i cannot answer... i cannot answer his question... have i loved Him? i can simply say yes i do. but then... how? how have i loved Him? *long pause* through words? are words that come out of my mouth purely lip service and words said off the cuff through years of teaching and textbook ans like? do i love Him enough then to proclaim with words His love and wat He has done to the pple around me? i think many times, words like these just won't come out, especially when i'm outnumbered and the parties seem so sure and certain abt wat they're saying. how about actions? ahh... i'm involved in christian activities, i try to be as good as possible, i try erm try to read the bible everyday, i try to be nice. hmmmm but if i'm to die for my fren and enemy like wat Jesus did for me, hmmm i'll think twice. no thrice. no many times. ooh yes! i can serve lotsa pple just as He asked me to! heh... but honestly? i dun do it cheerfully and other-pple-centredly all the time. =P *blush* so yeah... words and actions are out. thoughts? hmmm welllll He seems to be an intimate part of my life, my thoughts... but i guess... many times other things seem to crowd Him out of the picture. people relationships, work, self, tv, fun, etc are juz some of things that are often in my mind. yes, He does have an influence on the things i do and the decisions i make. but how often i juz shut Him out becoz it's juz so inconvenient! ahhhhhh can't think of anything else tt i might be loving Him in. but no... He wants all of me! argh. are you sure Lord? can i juz give you erm 20% of my life and leave the rest for me? u know i love u...right? so u dun need so much of me to know that.... right? i need myself for myself, my frens, my recognition, my success, my ... anyway i need at least 80%. sheesh... but i know you want 100%. how can?! i'm human, i fall, i sin, i want more! i guess... i think... i feel... i know... i cannot love you like you've loved me. but if you want my love to you Lord, help me... help me to love you... may every breath tt i take, every moment of my life, be one of love for YOu. Help me Lord.