Thursday, December 15, 2005

random-ness

  • Was wondering whether i should continue blogging... i think i lost the reason y i started blogging =P
  • Shall give this another go...
  • The weather's real hot now... or is it me burning inside?
  • PUNJ camp was HO! despite it being different from the previous camps, it was good! i was quite inconsistent in my studying of Ezekiel and there wasn't alot of heavy-duty group bible study but i still learnt much through Pastor Boon Yong's break down of the passages and relating to us, and the reflections. O Lord, Where are you? It's funny how we ask Him where He is when times are bad but kick Him aside and prostitute ourselves to the ways of the world when times are good or when we forget what He has done for us. Yet He is forever consistent despite our inconsistencies. He is faithful in words and deeds. Have we given Him the glory that He deserves? He is glory itself and He will fulfill His promises.
  • Did i mention that Jesus loves you?
  • Is Christmas a whole warped idea of commercial money-making festival with Santas and jinglebells and turkey and presents? Or is it a reminder of the baby Jesus Christ born on earth to die for our Sin (rejection of God)? Don't understand? Then go find out more!
  • i really enjoyed the fellowship during the PUNJ camp. Got to know new people, caught up with old friends, got to know pple better. Thanks guys for making Jon feel comfortable. =) really appreciate that.
  • I'm totally blurred by the many things happening/i've to do. Hope i can cope =P
  • ARGH what's happening to my dissertation?!!! Lord i really need help to concentrate... FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
  • okiez i should go back to dissy...

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Hi there! How are you?

Hi...*grin*. How are you?

Conversations. What are conversations? How do you engage in a totally erm engaging conversation? How personal should one be in a conversation?

In today's fast paced, high-tech society where the world seems to be smaller and closer with "globalisation", have our interpersonal relationships gone a step further in improvement? From villages where you know only the village people but are involved in each other’s lives, to today's global village with a whole lot of people out there you can meet at the touch of a button but feel alienated. Have we really become an impersonal society in which we shut people out and build walls around us in an attempt to create some form of privacy?

There are so many avenues available now for us to "communicate". Like right now, I'm trying to share my thoughts on this baffling issue that has hounded me for erm well I dunno how long hah...right here in this blogging thingy where supposedly all those who know my blogging spot can read and erm know more about me and erm my inner workings. Argh. ARgh...but who are you?? I feel as though I'm talking to people out there but who? It is different from diaries where it is for me and me only to read, and my diary to keep the secrets. But here, it is not supposed to be secret. It's for people to read, people to share my life with me. But sigh... it is more of a one way communication.

MSN and SMS are the other highly popular ways of communication, WORDS... aren't they wonderful? It can be spoken, written, typed, or even imagined. Thing is, with MSN and SMS, we're not face to face, we're hidden behind a facade of high tech gizmos which help us put on masks depending on how long we can put up with the charade. Yesh, our conversations may be honest and true to who we are... but don't you just love the backspace and delete tab, the time to think or reply, the offline/busy/away mode, or just being MIA?

Which brings me to the point of my laments haha... I sound like a disgruntled person babbling away but truly, I'm baffled at communication or the lack of it. How sometimes when we meet face to face and have lotsa opportunities to engage in some comfortable conversation yet words seem to be like oxygen deep in the ocean or high up in the mountains where you struggle for words but find few and far stretched between. It's awfully laboursome. Can we say "aahhh wait for awhile or perhaps a long time, until we have something to say and better still something meaningful and deeper?" and when we meet again, will we say the same thing? How much do we know about the people around us? Peanuts? How much do we want to be involved in people's lives no matter the inconvenience?

Can you give me a little more time... no lotsa time to figure out and learn these things? It's a mountainous task... but hmm I hear God can move mountains? Heh...

Monday, December 05, 2005

bored

i'm bored.

after a month's worth of crash studying, i'm bored.

after thinking of all the wonderful things i can do once the exams are over, i'm bored.

after all the hooooo-haaaa about the leaking ceiling, d final crashing of the false ceiling and the long drawn repairing, it's become stale news.

after less than a year's worth of blogging, i'm getting bored.

hmmm do i really have such a short attention span? well, sometimes haha... when i realise that the things are not that important. when the wonders of it, the splendour, the excitement, the urgency, the surface beauty dies down... and it's all... nothing, really. perhaps i've picked up different skills, knowledge, thoughts, outlook and yeah ways to express myself. perhaps. or maybe not.

Monday, November 07, 2005

TBP

non-building students, forgive me as i rant a little abt TBP. i noe u won't mind hee...

Total BUilding Performance. it is a concept aimed at dealing with every aspect of building. from lighting to building integrity... to the well-being of the occupant. what is needed is the basic integration of the building delivery process, communication & cooperation of those involved. to integrate everything as much as possible so that it'll be perfect and satisfies every need/aspect without compromising other areas.... well something like tt...

however, due to the issues, people and limitations involved, it is hardly every likely that a building constructed by man will be perfect. me thinks that... i mean... how can something made by human hands which have been stained from inside out ever have a flawless creation? and i'm not juz talking about stains n cracks on ze walls. even if it is deemed flawless on the outset, n the intention worthy of men's praise, where does it stand in comparison with nature and creation? matchless. the earth itself is filled with the intricacies of integration. from details n little bits n pieces to huge wide scale displays of creation, everything adds up and forms a masterpiece. nothing is compromised. the creator has such a knack for details, wholeness, and creativity that there can be a burst of colours everywhere, a variety of shapes and form. a flurry of activity working together such that each depends on the other and all depend on the creator to work in tick-tock precision n timing.

how marvellous. how awesome.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

food-in-a-day

i wonder what my stomach and digestive system is doing to cope with the food i'm ate today? it's a really weird mix! spicy steamboat buffet... chocolate cake... java dark chocolate with orange peel... spaghetti... orange... heee really feel sorry for it heheh... anyway, happy birthday to u November babies! and yeap was a wonderful day at Esplanade taking silly photos! haahaha... argh sigh study period is here! so fast!

hmm y can't i upload the photo?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Decisions

Decisions, decisions... so difficult to make... can anything be easier than deciding that Christ be my Lord and Saviour?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

IF... then...

why do Christians who claim to have the one true way get embroiled in disagreements and unhappiness, and do not seem to be united in their faith? i suppose.... non-christians often wonder and conclude that this Christian faith is no different and nothing much afterall... it is really sad that as people who've come to know and accepted Christ as our Lord and Saviour, we often do not reflect what Christ has done in our lives...

i'm often guilty of not reflecting Christ in my life, and perhaps even caused people distress and to stumble. sigh... If we've really accepted Jesus Christ as the ruler of our lives, then why do we still seem to live our lives our way?

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out ouf selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:1-5

Do not worry

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew6:33-34

Friday, October 07, 2005

Estimated cost of this week

i seemed to be pretty busy this week with high project time cost.
what was the rate of output? hmm difficult to calculate. perhaps some molehills were crossed.

had quite a high percentage wastage, variation cost, and unexpected profits along the way.

to obtain help from pple, one must play the waiting game. to wait patiently... and wait... and wait. yawnz... oooh and must still have the up-beat smile and appreciation. tt's the rule of the game. i was reminded of it this week. don't give up! perseverance pays!???

restful nightly sleep... but why do i still go into deep naps (short but deep) in d middle of the day? i think i did that at least 3 times this week. =P

loong project hours... r we on the right track?

our group got shot down during tutorial. sigh... one must always not be demoralised. are we really that incompetent? does one have to 'de-sensitivise' so as to come out stronger rather than melt in d heat? is there such a thing as being moulded - stronger, better, and retaining the feeling? know wat i mean?

during the wait, got to talk to a friend a little more... it was good... was quite excited tt i could share a little of my faith and thoughts coz my friend's a non-christian and it's always exciting when they ask without me initiating... yes? hehehe... though hmm i seemed stuck for 'godly advice' again. it's as though my brain has this cabinet with a particular theme but in it is a jumbled mess and it is futile to search last min. i must ponder over it more with the Word. profit or loss?

another friend asked me whether i must go to church every week... hmm wow... but hardly got to elaborate. next time bah...

projects... can bring out the best and the worst in you... people watch. people listen. people form opinions. what will we be in their eyes? when working styles clash/unhappiness arise, where do you stand? when people become fed-up and complaint, what do you say? or do you keep quiet? will you join in? when competition arises, will you only look out for your group's interest?

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance" (2 Thessalonians 3:3-5)

Saturday, October 01, 2005

doubting d.

a non-christian friend recently asked me if i'm going for any camps or what during the recent 4-day break. i laughed and asked if i always seem to be going for camps and stuff - underlying meaning between the 2 of us was 'christian stuff'. yeah well... heh i always seem to be busy with 'christian stuff'... perhaps my nc friends have been thinking either that i'm erm very uh-hmm religious or crazy being so busy doing things other than studying, projects, bgr, etc etc... i dare not say i'm religious partly coz it somehow implies that i'm working towards being right with God which i can never be except for His grace and mercy, and mostly coz well... i'm not hhaha... i can be eeevil as those who've seen that side of me will testify, and if doing lotsa christian stuff = religious, then i'm far short of that haha... as those who know how i refuse rather stubbornly (coz i dun wanna do it coz of pressure and etc) to do many things will nod their heads to. sigh... =P

and yes. sometimes i think i'm crazy doing things other than wat those in sch would be doing... and no... i'm not an alien! i do lotsa stupid things tt i regret but well argh tt's not the point. i'm really incoherent today.

but really, y do we do all that we do when everything will end one day? manz... it can be awfully bleak when u think abt it. slogging... straining... loving... hurting... etc n then it's over as though whatever ever happened was nothing. i would like to think (no please... don't shut ur heart...) that there's this hope of living eternally in d most awesome of place, with like-minded pple, with d most majestic person - d I AM... becoz of what I AM had done for us.

hmm if i'm really so onz/committed/passionate abt the faith i so profess, then... why don't i actively initiate communication abt God, sin, love, salvation, etc? why do i lack the courage or if i do have d courage i doubt what i've said, and its impact on pple? i've heard many times abt the various ways to share the gospel, why we should, and even been part of various activities/events/groups which aim to do tt. but still, how often do i talk about d gospel, what role God has played in my life, and brought nc to church? truth is, God has already provided me with lotsa knowledge and opportunities to share the gospel. more importantly, He has provided me with Himself. but many times i doubt my capability and credibility - juz like Moses who was reluctant to do what God wanted him to do (exodus 3-4). i fret that not only wat i say is not good enough/convincing/impactful, but tt my listener will reject me and worse - God. sigh... i also wonder when is the 'best time' but well, anytime is a good time... i guess... if i look out for it... hmm or will i say as Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."? please Lord, forgive my doubting self, forgive me for doubting You...

will i trust that God will help me speak and teach me what to say?

will i trust in Him who has been given all authority in heaven and on earth? will i go share d gospel?

He said, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (matthew 28: 20)

Friday, September 30, 2005

weight lifter

what are we burdened with?
  1. work/studies
  2. responsibilities
  3. bag, books, laptop!!! (i'm like a turtle groaning from d load and building up muscles and strain =P)
  4. guilt?
  5. i'm sure there are more... can't think of them right now though...

haiz... seems like life is such a burden. are we hunch-backs from all the weight we carry around? y do we have burdens? for moulding? as punishment? to make us attuned to reality? juz becoz and we've to accept it?

life... tiring? i wanna be... free from this burden or at least have someone who can share my load. yet i also want to be hmmm independent. hahah i'm a confused person. =S

reminded of a song i'm sorry i can't remember who's d author or what's d copyright if there still is... it's called:

He will carry you... and it goes something like this (with some parts left out heh):

there is no problem too big... he cannot solve it...

there is no sorrow too deep... he cannot soothe it...

if he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder

i know my bro/sis that he'll carry you

He said, 'come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest'

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Thanks =)

Amazing... realised there are some invisible readers of my blog haha... thanks for being interested in sharing this walk with me. BIG SMILE for all of u =D haha but i'm still getting used to pple tokking to me outta no where abt wat i posted hehe.. i'll be like huh...hmmmm.... oooooohhhh... yeah yeah... heheh... so don't get me wrong if i react abit slowly or don't tok much about it in response to what you say heh...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Rose Apple aka Jambu

Rose Apples aka Jambu. Lovely deep blushing red or pale green with a pear shape. White wax like flesh that's juicy sweet. Crunchy to the bite. Lovely...
Was cutting some of them today, looking forward to eating, when i happened to chance upon some rotten cores. Such a pity. 2 out of 3 lovely looking jambus were rotten inside. they had formed a round ball in the centre, with holes, some of the holes extending to the other parts of the flesh. brownish black small ant-size and likeness stuff formed part of the ball with some of these even embedded in the other parts of the flesh. i dunno y, but i always seem to stumble upon such stuff. white little slimy crawlies squirming in a nice looking banana... rotten cored big red sweet juicy apple... a number of times too. i shall spare u the details. but well, i've formed a habit of analyzing my fruits before i eat haha... and today i took quite a pleasure in analysing my new found rotten cores. until i started to get itchy all over that is. =P hmmm funny thing is, i analyse and look for the rotten stuff in my fruits... but most times, i dun really dare analyse the rotten stuff in me. juz like my msn nick was 'see within. wat filth.', i assume that most of us are the same... not wanting to analyse ourselves too much. when i start looking at all the rot in me, i start to quiver and wonder if this is really me... and shake myself with a startle. then i'm back into my nice little rosy picture of life and shutting out the filth within. oopz juz realised it's quite ironic, shutting out the filth within. =P how do we shut out something that's within unless we acknowledge it and do something about it? hmmmm rose apple indeed. anyway i ate 1 of the 3 that i cut. heh. and it was juicy. =)

Friday, September 16, 2005

Mid-autumn at rooftop

hmm the moon wasn't bright and round yesterday. the sky was cloudy so most of the moon was covered. but that didn't dampen our spirits =)

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

rainy rainy day...hello!

i shall do abit of blogging heee...

yeah actually it's quite weird tt we blog for everyone to read when we used to keep diaries under lock and key... eh actually guess wat's blogged is not d deepest deepest stuff for alot of pple? or juz want to let pple noe wat's happening in our lives? or? hmm oh wasn't my point in this post haha

it's a rainy rainy day todaay! the sky was dark. the temperature low. the wind blew. the rain poured. thunder roared. lightning flashed. AND i couldn't hear myself and others in the engine canteen as we ate. hmphz super bad acoustics... of all places in the ENGINE canteen. i "huhhhh"ed a zillion times. okie i'm exaggerating but yeah... bad acoustics.

met duong at the canteen and he joined us for dinner! how nice! heh i better jot down the 5 vietnamese words i learnt from him before i forget. chao baan - hello you (general). chao an - hello older male. chao am - hello younger male/female. chao jing - hello older female. sigh i forgot the 5th word supposed to be byebye. sigh. i think i remembered the words correctly =P

new girl eileen joined us today. =) hmm i'm always so worried tt people will be put off by the late meeting/apologetic for it being late. y?? guess coz i think it's quite late too hahahah... or hmm i'm letting the timing affect rather than trusting God to convict their hearts to come despite the late meetings? :S

how much of me do u know? how much of u do i know?

Friday, September 09, 2005

Fruity FRuity

yay... THANK GOD!!! yeap really wonderful that He brought 6 international friends tonight - Ei, Toe, Duong, Nhan, Shu yue, Lijing.

we were waiting til around 9 pm and there weren't any of them in sight. but at 9 plus they started turning up! wow... and they're juz soo cute. so bubbly and easy to make friends with. Thank the good Lord!

hmm i'm feeling really fruity rite now with the durians, duku... cikgu? still can't tell =P, pomelo, jambu, pineapple... a weird mix no doubt. pray that we don't get stomach ache. =/

now... where do we go from here? *hmm my comp seems to be swaying again. isit my eyes or is the comp/table really swaying?* oh i was saying, yeah how are we gonna go from here? God please grant us wisdom, love and strength. =)

i had half a humongous vegetarian bao for dinner before the fruits. then i was hungry at 12:00 am and ate mooncake. *huge sigh* how to sleep now?? hmm glad i'm gonna have a workout tomorrow... oh no... more aches!

btw... i chose this colour coz it reminds me of the durian heheh

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

fruit supper party

it's fruit supper party tml! we've invited the international students in engineering and school of design and environment to come join us for this party. how many international students will come? how many cfers will come? are the fruits enough? will the mix of fruits be bad for the stomach? will they be comfortable and eager to mix and make friends? will acquaintances become friendships? will it last? will some accept Him one day?
lotsa questions. lotsa expectations. it's in His hands now. prepare our hearts.
hmmm Mavis my friend, you are right. i am bo liao today. =/ replying to emails which don't really need me to reply etc etc.

quite sian of the stuff that i'm doing that's all heh.

okie dokie shan't be bo liao anymore...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

ka-boom!!

sunday - my dad's car had a clang, trang, clang sound for a while... then it disappeared. the car seemed fine after that ... but wat was that sound??

today - took a lift from dad to school and on our way, there was a sudden KA-BOOOMM!!!!!!!!! i literally jumped from my seat manz... my dad and i were like... errrrmmm wat was that?! no dragging of car ... everything seemed fine... and when my dad checked, it was alright. hmmm what happened? maybe it was the car behind us coz it slowed down. hope its alright. but gosh... it was real loud =P

thank God we're okie and everything seems fine

Monday, August 29, 2005

Contentment

Juz some thoughts whilst reading a book...

Why do we always long for something more?

- When we have little, we worry it is not enough... when we have much, we still want more.
- The other side is always greener.
- Others are always getting better things, a better life.

We're not happy with where we are, not happy with who we are, not happy with people.
When will it end? Will we ever be satisfied, contented?

Will we be thankful for what we have, and be joyful when true contentment comes our way? Or will we be blind to that one thing which satisfies our thirst for more?

Content-ment. Content... contents...? having things inside? being filled? hmmm not sure...

Found an interesting definition of Contentment in dictionary.com:

contentment

a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may
be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb.
13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor.
10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of
humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of
divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2
Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the
gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).

Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary

Saturday, August 27, 2005

friends

how much can one take?
how true can friendships be?
how long does it last?
how many do we need?

i really love making friends... isn't it good to know more people instead of cutting people off from my circle of friends? i really like to find out what makes people tick... and to see the different personalities and background at work...

however, as i get to meet more people, and my circle of friends widen, it feels kinda sad, taxing, even hypocritical coz of failure more often than not to meet the demands of time and energy required to keep a friendship going. who do i spend more time with? what do i do with them? so i try to know more people, but form deeper relationships with some.... allocate my meeting time... and try to be available whenever possible. but for me, it'll never seem enough. it seems biase. or perhaps, i think it may seem hypocritical to those who know me only at surface level. sigh... but i know i've limits... and what about other areas such as family, studies, activities? haiz... how Lord? what shall i do?

Friday, August 26, 2005

i juz wanna

i juz wanna shout to the Lord...
singing praises unto Him
no matter whether i'm up or down
i juz noe He's there for me and i can run...run...run...to Him

i juz wanna sing with thanksgiving
for being so forgiving
of all that i've done past and present
and i noe that He loves me coz he suffered...died...rose...for me

i juz wanna hide in His presence
taking refuge when it storms
as He calls us who are weary, come!
for i noe that i'll never thirst as i drink...drink...drink...from Him

Monday, August 22, 2005

Long day

it's monday... and i'm having the blues... well not really... at first...

i had a short, short day of school today. =) 9-10am lecture/tutorial which included short movie clips which was fun! and that's all i had today. really short hehh...

but i was in school til nearly 10pm coz of our first contact group meeting... the waiting part was long... but it was okie in the end and a well worth wait coz it was a great time of catching up with people and getting to know the new ones =) it's really wonderful seeing them new faces so bright, eager and expectant. heh... and i enjoyed the time of sharing and getting to know how alot of us really are natural introverts though the word introvert was banned towards the end =P oh well... we do have our quiet moments and yet are able to rise up to the occasion. heh. anyway, i do hope the rest will be able to make it for future meetings and that the numbers won't dwindle. it's a great start to a new sem so ooh God, continue to guide the cg in growing in love and knowledge of Him together?

i can't think very well now coz of this dullness of mind coming from a tempting lure of sleep so yeah... anyway was thinking my pointing fingers post was pretty harsh... is it? okie i think i better go zzz... really not functioning optimally... nitez... another long day tml... k really really nitez...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Pointing fingers

the ice breaker during this week's bible study was what are the common problems often found in the news?

wars. violence. corruption. poverty. environmental degradation. family breakups.

what do people have to say? who do people blame? what about you? who/what do you say is the cause of problems the world faces?

on a smaller scale closer to home?

back-stabbing. cutting people off from groups. smoking. drunkedness. debts. unhappiness. etc.

who do you blame? do you agree with any of the following answers?

i'll blame... others.

they've a problem and they are the cause of the problems so please don't come give me more problems coz you'll make my life miserable...

others are doing it, so why can't i do it? i need to protect my own interest and besides, one more person doing it doesn't make a difference. ie tradegy of the commons

it's all the government's fault. everything.

it's in the genes. we can't help it.

it's just a bad day.

man.

God. if there is a God, why doesn't he stop all these bad things? if he made the world, why is it in such a mess?

oh well... the list doesn't stop huh? and more often than not, we love to point fingers at everyone...but ourselves. if what the bible says is true, that sin (rejection of God's authority and sovereignty over the world and us, and hence the consequences we see all around us) came into the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve, well then, it's them we should blame! don't you think so? they started it and made us suffer for it! hmphz. but then... if we were them, will we do the same?

well, then GOd made man ya noe... so it must be his fault then. who asked him to make us able to disobey and do evil? who asked him to place the serpent and the devil to let us be tempted to do bad? who asked him to place the tree to tempt us? who asked him? not us. i wanna be good. i wanna be absolutely faultless. i wanna be puuurfect. i wanna have the freedom to choose and know that i'll make the right choice. not like adam. hmmm eh. if i was given the freedom to choose, but was programmed to make the right choice then where's the freedom in that?

but i guess... at the end of the day, we're juz missing the point. we're pointing aimlessly, desperately, at everywhere but ourselves. we refuse to point to our own defiance, and dismissal of God's sovereignty and rule over our lives and the world. we refuse to point to the heart of the matter, that we're sinners. we refuse to point to Jesus Christ as the answer and solution to our problem. hmm sigh... sometimes i wonder... can i juz keep my fingers to myself and not point anywhere? sigh... but that's a refusal to acknowledge the problems that are present hor? so complicated... or is it?

Monday, August 15, 2005

testing the boundary

after many weeks of sleeping early(most days 12midnight-1am), and waking up early (7am), i'm now back to my usual 2am zzz time. sigh... and it's getting more and more difficult getting up at 7am haiz... my alarm forms part of my dreams until the reality sinks in 45 minutes later... and thus begins yet another morning 'workout'. no time to slowly have breakfast and morning readings... no time to have a leisurely walk to the bus stop and class... juz a good morning workout. i'm testing the boundaries... how fast can i get to school? then the morning traffic congestion never fails to intrigue me... when will the traffic move? when will it stop? how will drivers and passengers react?

i'm testing the boundary... how much can i slack and get work done and sleep early? ah well... this boundary shouldn't be tested... it's a vicious cycle i say. slack...work...sleep late... wake up late... slack coz of effects of sleeping and waking up late... work... sleep late...ah... no go no go! i better keep within the boundary when workload piles up. =P

i'm testing the boundary... how much things can i get done in between? well... quite alot i say... but that's if i don't get stuck on msn and taking long time at emails. but well... this boundary is still being tested.

now i'm testing how much i can withstand before it's meal time again...

Monday, August 08, 2005

Marriage

hmmm wat's it abt marriage? marriage, dating, relationships... have been on people's lips. i think it's quite cool tt pple are open about it, and it's a totally new dimension i've come across ever. people around me are starting to get married, or engaged, or in some form of long term relationship. and it's marvellous seeing them with stars in their eyes and making a step towards commitment. =) this is so, even whilst marriages are breaking down and many are getting disillusioned about love and marriage. =P

wat's it then, that makes them attached, committed, and finally married? i suppose it's love(wat's love?), interests, trust, interdependence, etcetc... or is it coz there's an emptiness tt's to be filled? or coz everyone's getting attached? or coz of desires? or loneliness? i guess, there are many factors bah...

but when pple my age or younger are getting married, it feels real weird. not tt i'm not happy for them, i am, i really am! but it makes me think: wow! i'm not tt old am i? i feel like a child with many things to learn and explore... to be married now at my age? wow... i can't even imagine myself being a wife and a mother now. =P okie maybe, but well it's real weird all the same. who's d person i would want to spend d rest of my life with? wow... serious... it's a terrifying thought. how do you know that he's the one who'll spend d rest of his life with ya, building ya up in d meantime? *shrug* dunno.

tt's y i think it's pretty cool and strange at the same time if it can ever be so, tt my church's talking about marriage, dating/singlehood, family etc in recent sermons and bible studies. =) can u imagine? d bible even has stuff about marriage and finding a partner! wow... singlehood or marriage? wise or unwise? are juz some of d questions raised. =)

so wat now? haha... i'm still exploring oopz... and trying to mold myself more like my Lord bah... hard manz... real hard.

The poor hamster

I think i'll be a terrible hamster owner. heh. reason being? let ya noe soon.

had a rare, splendid, long evening nap and one of my dreams was about a hamster.

i had this hamster, and i kept it in a handbag or something. i took it out at times to pat and then put it back into the bag. and then! i suddenly remembered (in my dream) that i hadn't fed it or given it water to drink for days! and it was getting stiff (dunno y coz it wasn't dead in my dream) so i quickly grabbed some container and filled it with water for my hamster to drink and "liven up". so it drank and drank... then! it started to urinate! argh! and its urine was spilling over the table and into its drink! in my panicky state, i carried it and it started shooting urine all over the place! eeyucks. totally disgusting. it woke me from my slumber... maybe i woke up coz i couldn't handle the situation anymore, from almost starving and depriving it of water, to it not being toilet trained. =P

Friday, August 05, 2005

lunch time

it's lunch time now and i'm super duper full. again. with veg bee hoon with curry veg and toufoo, finished with thick kiwi juice which i've yet to finish. somehow, it's a combination which will make one's stomach stretch and say enough!

*sip*

it's the last week of hols before the sch term starts with all the projs and tests and watnots. but whilst everyone's flurrying trying to get things done or prepare for wat's to come, i feel as though school's started 10 weeks ago. =) and it's a pretty good feeling hahah... being in the groove of things and all. erhmm tt's wat i think now lah. *sip* for this sem i'm gonna have dissertation which is 8 modular credits, professional practice (construction) and total building performance as core modules. spent the most points on an engineering module: global environmental issues. heh i spent like 617 bidding points for it manz! it better be worth it haah... or rather i better make good use of it! =P *sip*

the past few days have been spent staring at the comp for long hours trying to analyze data collected on the dust concentration and temp and humidity. cheemalogy? it's juz analyzing how much air pollution we're breathing in and the effect of the temp and humidity on it. it's pretty disgusting thinking abt wat gets into our system and how it never gets out! so graphs, figures, excel, notepad, copying, pasting, extracting etcetc are now part of my ordinary life. *sip*

some how, i've been thinking abt something that was said at one of the sermons. we ask: "LORD do you LOVE ME?" we demand: "LORD show ME you LOVE ME!" but HE says: I have LOVED YOU... but have YOU loved me? *sip* (aaah... finished my kiwi juice and i'm feeling sooooo contented)I know He loves me. Though i'm in the depths of despair, though i may sink and fall, though rough storms brew and i often don't understand the things that come my way, i know. i just know He loves me. and i trust that he'll love me and keep me to the end. But...but... i cannot answer... i cannot answer his question... have i loved Him? i can simply say yes i do. but then... how? how have i loved Him? *long pause* through words? are words that come out of my mouth purely lip service and words said off the cuff through years of teaching and textbook ans like? do i love Him enough then to proclaim with words His love and wat He has done to the pple around me? i think many times, words like these just won't come out, especially when i'm outnumbered and the parties seem so sure and certain abt wat they're saying. how about actions? ahh... i'm involved in christian activities, i try to be as good as possible, i try erm try to read the bible everyday, i try to be nice. hmmmm but if i'm to die for my fren and enemy like wat Jesus did for me, hmmm i'll think twice. no thrice. no many times. ooh yes! i can serve lotsa pple just as He asked me to! heh... but honestly? i dun do it cheerfully and other-pple-centredly all the time. =P *blush* so yeah... words and actions are out. thoughts? hmmm welllll He seems to be an intimate part of my life, my thoughts... but i guess... many times other things seem to crowd Him out of the picture. people relationships, work, self, tv, fun, etc are juz some of things that are often in my mind. yes, He does have an influence on the things i do and the decisions i make. but how often i juz shut Him out becoz it's juz so inconvenient! ahhhhhh can't think of anything else tt i might be loving Him in. but no... He wants all of me! argh. are you sure Lord? can i juz give you erm 20% of my life and leave the rest for me? u know i love u...right? so u dun need so much of me to know that.... right? i need myself for myself, my frens, my recognition, my success, my ... anyway i need at least 80%. sheesh... but i know you want 100%. how can?! i'm human, i fall, i sin, i want more! i guess... i think... i feel... i know... i cannot love you like you've loved me. but if you want my love to you Lord, help me... help me to love you... may every breath tt i take, every moment of my life, be one of love for YOu. Help me Lord.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Outta steam

Haven't been blogging.
Haven't had the energy... or rather the drive... mood... brains... settlement of thoughts or events... watever... to blog.
Was sick. still recovering.
Dunno wat i was doing last week.
Been frequenting our experiment site for attachment and dissertation purposes for 3 days in a row, and still counting.
Met up with friends. was good despite my outta steamness.
Dunno wat i've been doing.
Sleepy.
Exhausted.
Supposed to be doing some analysis for the data collected so far. Waiting for laptop battery to be charged.
ARgh.
I shall go recharge my own 'battery'.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Laptop in the Hospital

My laptop has aged.

I've come to realize how much my laptop has aged as it grew old with me over the past 3 years. It has suffered many a scolding from me for not working the way i wanted it to work, stayed up late into the wee hours of the morning, hibernated when i concussed, and filled itself with private conversations and my personal memories...and more.

OKAY... it's not gone case yet. Thankfully.

BUT... it is in the hospital undergoing parts transplant.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Sinful food

Been indulging myself with sinful food haha... there are days when my mouth juz can't stop munching on them crisps/chips, nuts, hello panda, preserved orange peel, and others. You know the saying... when you start, you just can't stop. =P Oh well... it's yummy lah...so i'll blow the cares to the wind. Yesterday was another session of great indulgence which i cheerfully undertook. Claypot laksa: thick, creamy, full of c-o-c-o-n-u-t as my cousin's daughter would say, and spicy. Avocado juice: thick, creamy, cooling and absolutely filling. Okie not bad, i'll return for another sinful session heheh... Even though i was still digesting these two creamy stuff i had for lunch, i proceeded to have my dinner, topping it with dao-hui or beancurd for dessert. Talking about food... i'm thinking of getting some hello panda... should i? hmmmm....

Monday, July 04, 2005

Meaninglessness

I previously came up with this as an attempt at a sermonette for my trip to Thailand...decided to post it coz it is a topic tt's so often on our minds. do feel free to comment on it.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Let us read Ecclesiastes 2:18-26 which was written by a wise teacher:

18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless. 24A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

Message

Have you ever wondered why we work, eat, or sleep? Why do we play and have fun? What is the meaning of life when all we do is live a life between birth and death?

For some of us, our lives are endless cycles like the rising and setting of the sun. When life cycles are mentioned, some of us may think of our next lives and the next, next life. Or picture a farmer waking up at dawn (when the sun rises), has his breakfast, goes out to the field to work the land, has his lunch, resumes his work, goes home at dusk (sunset) for his dinner and sleeps. The next day, he starts all over again. Life can be tiring when there is no end and no purpose/meaning.

But what if there is some meaning, so we say, even if it is only a little meaning to life? The farmer’s purpose is to feed himself and his family. Even my grandmother’s life seemed to have meaning in it which was to provide for her children. From childbearing to breastfeeding to spoon-feeding; and from clothing them to giving them away in marriage, my grandmother’s daily work revolved around/focused on her children. Do these then bring meaning to our life? What meaning will all these bring to us when we die in the end, for indeed all of us will die? Why do we labor and sweat so much for a life that will end in death? At the end of it all, it is just things that are temporary. In fact, our possessions will go to others, and our children will leave home. As verse 18 rightly puts it, 18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. No. There is no meaning even in these things.

The teacher seemed to understand our thoughts and feelings of despair, describing his own feelings of despair in verses 18 and 20. (18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun; 20So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.) Why indeed, do we do what we are doing when we cannot enjoy the product or fruit of our work/labor forever? When what we have sweated and labored for will be passed on to somebody who did not sweat and labor for it? This is enforced in 19And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. and 21For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. In fact, it makes us who have placed so much hope and energy into these things, very unhappy and at a loss. 21This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.

Therefore, meaningfulness is not a matter of how wise we are in doing our work, how smart we are such as in our studies, or how skillful we are such as our very skillful hand work in making furniture. The furniture will go to the people who buy them, and the money we earn will be worthless to us when we die.

Meaningfulness is also not a matter of how much we work and rest. Whether we work or sleep, labor or play, there is no difference. Just as verse 23 says 23All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest.

Then what is it? What is there in all our work for us? Surely, there must be something, a reason for what we do! Yes! You are right! There is a reason for and meaning to what we do. Let us think for a while what this reason might be… No? No answer? Well, let us read again: 18all the things I had toiled for under the sun, 19effort and skill under the sun, 20all my toilsome labor under the sun, and lastly, 22all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun. What is common in all these verses? That what we work for ‘under the sun’ will be difficult and meaningless. What does it mean by ‘under the sun’? It means anything that we can see and observe in this world. If we do anything in this world and in our lives without knowing why then it is a meaningless activity. But the teacher says that God gives us an answer to our search for meaning in what we do. God is over and above everything and he puts meaning in it, that we may enjoy what God has given us! Verse 24 writes:
24A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?

For to work, eat, sleep and play, and all the other things of living are actually good. What makes them bitter, toilsome, and without meaning is us wanting to get more out of it than we should and can. We place all our hopes and meaning of life in these things that we forget that they are only things God gave us to enjoy His presence and what He had made. Just like the tools and parts that a car maker uses to make a car so that we can enjoy the car, so too our work, food and rest are tools and parts God gave us to enjoy the bigger picture – Him and His creation.

With God in our lives, we will also not be worried or despair over things that will not last. If we change the way we look at things in life by putting our hope in God and being with Him forever, then we will enjoy what God has given us. In addition, He will give us wisdom, knowledge and happiness as we see in verse 26, to enjoy these things that He has given us. However, if we do not change, and still think that what we do or work for will make us contented/satisfied or give ourselves credit for these things, then we will end up toiling and working so hard for nothing. As the wise teacher wrote in verse 26,
26but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

In response, let us ask God to be our purpose in life, so that we would not find all things meaningless. Let us put our hope in God, enjoying His presence and what He has given us. Let us thank Him for giving us something that will last forever instead of something that will not last, ‘a chasing after the wind’ – and that something that will last is a life with Him forever/an eternal life with God.

Meaninglessness or meaningfulness? One must choose...

Friday, June 24, 2005

Holiness

From Hudson Taylor's biography, where John McCarthy quoted from Christ is All - "The Lord Jesus received is holiness begun; the Lord Jesus cherished is holiness advancing; the Lord Jesus counted upon as never absent would be holiness complete."
"This (grace of faith) is the chain which binds the soul to Christ, and makes the Saviour and the sinner one... A channel is now formed by which Christ's fulness plenteously flows down. The barren branch becomes a portion of the fruitful stem... One life reigns throughout the whole."

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Is that her?

Aajaan Mon Tha...
Heard her voice over an online news radio for Thailand today, searching for her dog Nam Waan... I was excited to hear her voice, yet... i was sad...sad that Nam Waan is lost. (Bessie our host missionary who was in Singapore for 2 weeks, had told us that Nam Waan was lost a few days ago.)
I think she misses her Nam Waan. Her companion. Yet, she still places her trust in Phra Jaaw (God). Can't fully understand what they were talking about except bits and pieces here and there... still... i'm quite sure it is her searching for Nam Waan. Is she also using this opportunity to share God's love? I wanna know what they're talking about in full! sigh...
Hope she finds Nam Waan safe and sound...

Music to His ears

Drum set

We were impressed by this drum set. The drum, together with a few pairs of pieces of wood, were made and played with exuberance and such joy by the members of one of the churches we went to in Thailand. So what if we don't have "proper" instruments? God gave us gifts to give him praise and honour. He gave us voices to sing, words to express, rhythm (no matter whether it's only 2 beats or off-beat etc), gave us creativity and resourcefulness, and a heart of thanksgiving. May it all be music pleasing to Him...

Thailand delicacies

Cooked delicacy

Fat, round, long, small, large, black, yellow, brown, off-white... take your pick. They're cooked, crispy and things you hardly find in Singapore as a snack. Need sauce to complement the taste? Sure... How much? 10-20 baht.
Aah... well... our dear leader Delia was super onz about us trying it. But we didn't in the end. =P Maybe next time bah. haha... Anywayz, little Hannah our host missionary's daughter recommended the long, off-white, worm-like one.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Updates on MEETHAI

From an email sent out, here's an extremely summarized update of my trip to Thailand =)

General items:

It was a good trip... ate lots of fruits and was very memorable. Our team grew closer, and we got to know Alan, Bessie and Hannah, our hosts who made our stay most pleasant and homely, and Tammy their dog.

Ministry:

Our main ministry there was teaching English at 3 schools. However, high up on the agenda was MEETINGS - prayer meetings, cell group meetings, leadership meetings, missionary prayer meetings and ad hoc meetings. So it is very much of "building up the Church" ministry. As for sharing the gospel and testimony, it was done during church services, meetings, whilst teaching, and to people we met. So, we learned that it can be done anytime, anywhere, to different groups of people.

Most useful tool:

Alan's car. The amount of time we spent on the road (tarmac, concrete and/or dirt) and through stretches of less accessible places made us grateful for the car and being able to squeeze into it!

Most common sights:

Small towns, vast stretches of agriculture fields, dots of wooden-zinc 'open-air' houses, dogs, temples, altars, spirit houses and urns, and pictures of royalty along the streets and in every household.

THE PEOPLE

Missionaries & Full-time workers:

Aajaan Mon tha - A local, a full-time worker and has a cute dog named Naam Waan whom she often leaves at Alan's, has become dear to us as we see her very often. Her home is also used as Salok Bat Church.

WEC missionaries - Laura, Stephen, Danny, Corni, Alan, etc. They've been in Thailand for quite a number of years and many of them are going on "fellow", some kind of break. They seek to work with the believers and prepare/train the believers to study the God's Word, bring people to Christ and less dependent on the missionaries.

Believers - Mostly women... and they wonder: Where have all the MEN gone?? Most are not highly educated, work in the fields, sell things in the daalad (market), or are house-helpers. Passionate, hospitable people, they worship the Lord in the most unique of ways. Even though one church doesn't have instruments, that doesn't stop them from singing praises unto Him! (They made their own instruments)
However, one concern is whether they really know the Lord. Many of the new believers are not regular attenders too.

Wit Lai - leader of a church, young and knows a bit of English. Works in the field for 5 days. When we went to her cell group on 2 occasions, the only people attending apart from us were her father and 4/5 year old half-sister. She was discouraged. Reasons given: No transport/late at night, not feeling well, just not going... very familiar reasons.

Teachers and students - Students ranged from primary school to secondary school, some even 19 years old! Really enjoyed trying to communicate with them after the lessons, though it's quite difficult understanding each other. Not sure how much of the gospel message they understood... but am encouraged that believers heard of Jesus Christ since young so it's like seeds being planted... The teachers also heard, one was even interested...

Prayer:

1) Thank God for the work there, the workers and the believers.
2) Thank God for the local leaders eg Aajaan Mon tha and Wit laai He has raised up.
3) Pray for the hearts of those who've heard the gospel, that they'll come to accept Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour.
4) Pray that the believers will be able, willing and bold in sharing the gospel and doing follow-ups.
5) Pray that Wit Laai will not feel discouraged but find strength and encouragement in Him.
6) Pray for more male believers and that they'll be more active in service as well.
7) Pray for wisdom and sensitivity of the leaders and missionaries as they have to handle quite alot of "people problems".
8) Pray for sincere love amongst the people coz Thais are "polite" and may not show their true feelings.
10) Thank God for safety of the team.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The crying...continued.

She was indeed pregnant... but what i heard happened was that she was possessed. hmmm... this reminds me of how i was scared of being possessed by some evil spirit. I think i stressed myself out by thinking about that. Couldn't do anything about that fear. Tried seeking comfort from my family, being in the midst of lotsa people, switching on all the lights, playing music, switching my brain to "don't think about it" mode... but well, it still didn't help. I was still super scared. And it isn't a good feeling... to be helpless, sleepless, and totally preoccupied by this fear that had become possessive in itself.

What's most devastating then, is being so fearful and trying to be in control of my life, mind and situation. Where is God then? Where have i placed Him in all my emotions? As a back up i suppose... when all else fails...

Yes, indeed when all else fails, i know that He doesn't fail... if only we put our trust in Him. For it wasn't until i learnt that God is the most powerful, with Jesus Christ being the living example of how the evil spirits feared him and how he's had victory over them and death, that i started to put my trust in God regarding this matter. Whatever my fears, i tell it to him... and he comforts me.

Just like this time, when i encountered such an incident, i was erm actually fearful... until he reminded me of his love, and to have faith in Him...

Tis me of little faith...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Blood curdling cry

Oh dear, oh dear... was in school early at 0815... all was well til a loud, uncontrollable cry made me jump out of my seat on the bench. i packed my bag, and tried to find the source of the crying. i found it when i saw a no. of pple gathered around a place upstairs. the lady/girl was crying non-stop. she sounded in real pain. how, how, how?? should i go up and look too? i paced up and down. i went on a detour, trying to get a closer look. but i couldn't...the crying only got louder and louder. i didn't dare go any closer. argh. i'm such a scaredy-cat. as i listened, her crying sounded a little breathless, hmmm is she giving birth or something??? i pray n hope it is the reason... hmmm but then my friend who came in later said she didn't see any ambulance/hear anybody crying... is she okie already?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

near or far, the problem still exists

Finally... went out to do a survey! Out of the comfy chair n air-conditioning and into a windy-dust and noise-filled environment...knocking on doors... it's an experience!

Why? coz No. 1, do you know how much dust you are breathing into your lungs?! One lady said our lungs must be as black as anything with all ze particles trapped inside eww... No. 2, you get to meet interesting people. Yes, I do miss Thailand and the people but we do get to meet all kinds of people right here in Singapore too. I'll just give one example which is utmost in my mind right now.

knock knock knock... down the block we went... and then we came to this flat. Someone was vacuuming the floor. I could hardly hear myself above the loud roaring of the traffic and vacuum cleaner. Just inside the door was an altar with some kind of picture and incense and some other things. Two wooden masks hung on the wall at the sides, and a wooden statue of a man with a spear along with toys and a porcelain cat stood at the foot of the altar. My friend and I rang the doorbell and finally, the vacuum cleaner stopped. A grim looking man, topless with tattoos of the picture mentioned above, came out, opened the grille door and beckoned with his hands for us to enter. My friend and I looked at each other. Seemed like there was no choice... my friend, a guy, entered and sat on the sofa looking apprehensive. We decided that i shouldn't go in so i erm gave a weak excuse that i'm going to knock on other doors. =P So i hid away from the door peeping in at times =P My other friends later joined me outside. And boy, did we wait! That man talked with my friend for about an hour! There are details I think it not wise to add in here but anyway my friend later came down with a Lee Kuan Yew biography and told us that that man's actually okie and quite nice (apologising for scaring me), but very wary of salesmen/women even going to extent of chasing them all the way out of the block. He also showed my friend the extremely close proximity of the block to the road and the difficulty in counting the number of vehicles passing in a minute. He also said he kept child spirits hence the altar, toys and the tattoos. He was praying during the visit, and i heard the ringing of a bell. He had 2 adopted daughters who left him after graduation.

Sigh... I knew it would be something like this, seeing from the altar. As i was standing outside, i was thinking of my friend and the man inside. Of the altar. I couldn't help but think the man is a devote spirit worshipper and there being a stronghold in that house. But I remembered that God is the greatest, the sovereign one. He is more powerful than any other thing. I started singing quietly "He is the King of kings... the Lord of lords...", "Joy is the flag flown high..." , "my God is so big..." hmm now that I've typed it down, I realise that these are some of the songs i held dear as a child. Not knowing what to do, standing there, i prayed that he too will come to know the Lord...

Now, i remember something i wrote in the morning: that one of the things I learned in Thailand is that God's grace extends to all nations, all people.

So too, this man.

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

BORED

Sigh i'm real bored... staring at ze journals all day long trying to squeeze something outta them juz makes my eyes squeeze shut too. Really miss the people and environment of Salok bat... and my team mates and host missionaries too. sigh... as i stare at my journals i wonder... if only i'm there in the midst of all the goings on! Then again, since i'm back here missing a whole week's worth in Thailand, i should be making full use of my time yar...okoie i'll go back to my readings til the clock strikes and my head pounds and my stomach growls.
Anywayz, shall try to post things about the trip soon. just feeling soo lazy to do anything with the computer... one of the good things about the trip is i learnt not to depend too much on the comp! heheh... okiez. laterz.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Beautiful day

Went to East Coast Park today with my 5 friends from my MEET team. It was a beautiful day especially in the morning. =) As we had our time of reflection, 3 things came to mind... and so i'll try to record the adventure of the coconut, the wave breaker, and the sand.

The Coconut
Float...float...float... in the vast body of water, there it was floating away.
It started from where i sat and the last i saw of it, it had migrated all the way to the other side of the wave breaker. Just floating away... was amazed at how it could keep afloat amidst the turmoil of the water. Wondered if we can keep afloat in our own times of turmoil, trials and difficulty... Then... zap! A thought came to mind why not? Just as God created the coconut with the ability to float, He has given us things like faith and the Word that will help us keep afloat!

The wave breaker
Crash! Swirl... Crash! Swirl... Crash! Swirl...
Endless waves beating against the rock. Chipping away the weaker parts, creating a shape out of the rock. Question came to mind: are we constantly being molded and shaped as the parts to be chipped away are chipped through the many things in our life? As i stared at the swirling waves, i got alittle scared that i'll fall in haha... and even doubted the stability of the rock! What if the core is weak and falls apart as i sit and stare? bleah. i'll be islanded. So too, our exterior may be tough and sturdy, but are our core and foundation sturdy and stable too?

The Sand
Had fun... and relief... drawing and writing pictures and words... of emotions, concerns and things that come to mind with a smooth slim and flat stone good for sketching in the sand... and letting the waves wash them away... leaving a clean sketchboard. Walked along the beach and as i looked back, I saw my footprints in the sand washed away. It reminded me of how He has washed me clean with his blood, and lifted my burdens.

Thoughts in d wee hours

Been spending these 2 days out/at home with my mom.
Was good just hanging out.

I know she and my dad are worried for my safety as I go on a trip to Thailand next tuesday. It will be one of the few times I'm away without them for such a long time. What's more, the recent spate of events and reports does not make Thailand a very safe place... However, they still are letting me go... not because they don't have a say, not because they are confident nothing will happen to me... but because they trust that God is sovereign... It is a difficult thing... especially for my mom... but I thank the good Lord that she has come to accept and trust... perhaps opening up to her about what i'm doing helped.

As some of you know, i'll be going to Northern Thailand with 5 other friends as part of a Missions, Education, and Exposure Training programme that i've been in for the past 8-9 mths. It's been an experience i'll never forget. Times of low, anguish, anger, confusion, lostness... many times i felt like giving up. However, thankfully God showed me the times of joy, love, encouragement, learning, learning and learning... showing me more of Him, more of me. He helped me persevere... even when i'm tired, weak and helpless. I was busy. But He helped me through.

Now, through this last lap of preparation, many things have yet to be finalised and packed. Our hearts... are also in chaos i think... yeah... if we've gotten all prepared...have our hearts been prepared and ready for the trip? I dunno... but I'm thankful for the prayers... and I trust... though faltering at times, that God will protect our hearts... and He will see all things that work for His good, through.

It's early in the morning, and all's quiet... i'm sleepy... and i'm typing pretty spontaneously. =P

Oh yeah... never expected that in all these, i've to find out more about Singapore too... of which i'm too tired to read the details about thaipusam, vesak etc etc... shall try to squeeze in some time for that heh

Monday, May 02, 2005

Lizards

They have 4 legs with pad-like toes.
They scale walls.
They flicker their long slim tongues.
Most of those that we see are beige and a little translucent.
They are the lizards!!!!
Funny creatures, them lizzies...
They can be found in the most unexpected places.
They are swift in entering doors...
But leaving... is another matter all together =P
Past experiences with them:
1) Smashed on the door frame where the hinges are. bleah. 2 together???? ooph!
2) Had to chase 1 outta d fridge sigh n the cleaning up...
3) Staring contest in the bathroom hmphz terrible. I lost!
4) Their wriggly tails representing them...
Juliana from my course once related a story on her adventure with a lizard... and she sounded real excited, capturing its every movement..til it jumped off the wall. =P I can't remember the name she gave it though.
Have you heard the sound it makes? When all's quiet and cool... hear the sound of the lizard and you know... you've got company. =)

Music to my ears

Had the privilege of sitting around
Whilst the world outside goes round
So engrossed was I
In the TV box world lie
That I was oblivious
To the rain that had come and gone...obvious
Of course... to the birds
Who've come out in search
Of worms, fruits and tummy filling food

Tired from all the eye exercise
I turned my eyes
Instead to the world outside
And boy, were the birds right!
The greens, the wet road, the smell of fresh air
It should have long ago brought me outta my sofa chair

As I listen to the chirpings and songs so cheerful and bright
I was reminded afresh of yesternight
Of songs sung by the people of Mien
Beautiful voices echoing their love and gratitude for this one man
A God who found them first
And saved them from the curse
Though we spoke different languages
We were the same in that we all had God's love in us

Which made me think
Of all the languages in the world more than memory brings
So many...
So so many!
And just from one specie
What about the others in nature's beauty?
If I'm gifted in speaking in tongues
Then I want to speak in the many tongues
Of people with these beautiful words
So our love can reach them too with His Word

Friday, April 29, 2005

The creeper  Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The creeper

Had quite a bad day yesterday...
Woke up feeling in need of sleep...
Had a growing headache...
Really moody on the whole =P
Felt bad being moody.
Think i did badly for my 2 papers.

Really down...
and shouldn't be posting any blogs right now...
But then, thought i'll just share a quick one on what happened at the end of the day...

Felt better after pouring my self-centered woes to God haha terrible.
But what really struck me and quietened me was what i read in my fav book.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things...
Indeed, my heart and mind have been guarded from many a frail thought.
Despair.
Self-pity.
And much more.

I have been strengthened. comforted. lifted from the depths. Today, i remembered my life. Today, i am thankful. Thankful for seeing me through all my life, through good and bad times. He has been holding my hands and not let them go... even when i wasn't aware of it!

At the end of my life, i wanna say that i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I am like the creeper which i saw the other day, clinging on to my life support from whom i can climb to see the light.

Be comforted.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

a ray of light? Posted by Hello

Where's the line?

The light bulb in my room is getting dimmer...
I know it's gonna blow sooner or later!!!

Hmm light...
doesn't seem to be very enduring does it?
Even the sun whom we've all known for AGES seem to be dying or so they say.

Light... and darkness...
It's always either or...
Or is it?
Then what's the meaning of my room light getting dimmer...? (my vision getting worse in any case)
Doesn't that mean there is a variation of light and darkness?
Like a light-o-stat or whatever they call it =P

Which brings me to the question of the day...
Where, oh where, is the line between light and darkness?
I never could tell...
Until it is pitch black or amazingly bright!

So I conclude.
There is no line between the light and the dark.
There is just light increasing in brilliance, penetrating darkness til all is bright and clear...
OR darkness creeping up...til light is engulfed and all is dark. (or as they say...light slowly dimming away til light is absent)

Yeap and so the light is out:
1) never depend on artificial lights - they'll blow up on ya
2) there is no line___________________________
3) light is better than darkness. oooh what beautiful things we can see in the light!
4) always depend on light which lasts. no rechargeable batt, no energizer, no ballasts... only... the one and only... eh no... the sun's dying remember? well for me...i've found the one light which i'm confident will last forever - my Lord and God. coz He was around before the sun was up. in fact, it was He who created it!

Imagine...