- Was wondering whether i should continue blogging... i think i lost the reason y i started blogging =P
- Shall give this another go...
- The weather's real hot now... or is it me burning inside?
- PUNJ camp was HO! despite it being different from the previous camps, it was good! i was quite inconsistent in my studying of Ezekiel and there wasn't alot of heavy-duty group bible study but i still learnt much through Pastor Boon Yong's break down of the passages and relating to us, and the reflections. O Lord, Where are you? It's funny how we ask Him where He is when times are bad but kick Him aside and prostitute ourselves to the ways of the world when times are good or when we forget what He has done for us. Yet He is forever consistent despite our inconsistencies. He is faithful in words and deeds. Have we given Him the glory that He deserves? He is glory itself and He will fulfill His promises.
- Did i mention that Jesus loves you?
- Is Christmas a whole warped idea of commercial money-making festival with Santas and jinglebells and turkey and presents? Or is it a reminder of the baby Jesus Christ born on earth to die for our Sin (rejection of God)? Don't understand? Then go find out more!
- i really enjoyed the fellowship during the PUNJ camp. Got to know new people, caught up with old friends, got to know pple better. Thanks guys for making Jon feel comfortable. =) really appreciate that.
- I'm totally blurred by the many things happening/i've to do. Hope i can cope =P
- ARGH what's happening to my dissertation?!!! Lord i really need help to concentrate... FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
- okiez i should go back to dissy...
Thursday, December 15, 2005
random-ness
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Hi there! How are you?
Conversations. What are conversations? How do you engage in a totally erm engaging conversation? How personal should one be in a conversation?
In today's fast paced, high-tech society where the world seems to be smaller and closer with "globalisation", have our interpersonal relationships gone a step further in improvement? From villages where you know only the village people but are involved in each other’s lives, to today's global village with a whole lot of people out there you can meet at the touch of a button but feel alienated. Have we really become an impersonal society in which we shut people out and build walls around us in an attempt to create some form of privacy?
There are so many avenues available now for us to "communicate". Like right now, I'm trying to share my thoughts on this baffling issue that has hounded me for erm well I dunno how long hah...right here in this blogging thingy where supposedly all those who know my blogging spot can read and erm know more about me and erm my inner workings. Argh. ARgh...but who are you?? I feel as though I'm talking to people out there but who? It is different from diaries where it is for me and me only to read, and my diary to keep the secrets. But here, it is not supposed to be secret. It's for people to read, people to share my life with me. But sigh... it is more of a one way communication.
MSN and SMS are the other highly popular ways of communication, WORDS... aren't they wonderful? It can be spoken, written, typed, or even imagined. Thing is, with MSN and SMS, we're not face to face, we're hidden behind a facade of high tech gizmos which help us put on masks depending on how long we can put up with the charade. Yesh, our conversations may be honest and true to who we are... but don't you just love the backspace and delete tab, the time to think or reply, the offline/busy/away mode, or just being MIA?
Which brings me to the point of my laments haha... I sound like a disgruntled person babbling away but truly, I'm baffled at communication or the lack of it. How sometimes when we meet face to face and have lotsa opportunities to engage in some comfortable conversation yet words seem to be like oxygen deep in the ocean or high up in the mountains where you struggle for words but find few and far stretched between. It's awfully laboursome. Can we say "aahhh wait for awhile or perhaps a long time, until we have something to say and better still something meaningful and deeper?" and when we meet again, will we say the same thing? How much do we know about the people around us? Peanuts? How much do we want to be involved in people's lives no matter the inconvenience?
Can you give me a little more time... no lotsa time to figure out and learn these things? It's a mountainous task... but hmm I hear God can move mountains? Heh...
Monday, December 05, 2005
bored
after a month's worth of crash studying, i'm bored.
after thinking of all the wonderful things i can do once the exams are over, i'm bored.
after all the hooooo-haaaa about the leaking ceiling, d final crashing of the false ceiling and the long drawn repairing, it's become stale news.
after less than a year's worth of blogging, i'm getting bored.
hmmm do i really have such a short attention span? well, sometimes haha... when i realise that the things are not that important. when the wonders of it, the splendour, the excitement, the urgency, the surface beauty dies down... and it's all... nothing, really. perhaps i've picked up different skills, knowledge, thoughts, outlook and yeah ways to express myself. perhaps. or maybe not.
Monday, November 07, 2005
TBP
Total BUilding Performance. it is a concept aimed at dealing with every aspect of building. from lighting to building integrity... to the well-being of the occupant. what is needed is the basic integration of the building delivery process, communication & cooperation of those involved. to integrate everything as much as possible so that it'll be perfect and satisfies every need/aspect without compromising other areas.... well something like tt...
however, due to the issues, people and limitations involved, it is hardly every likely that a building constructed by man will be perfect. me thinks that... i mean... how can something made by human hands which have been stained from inside out ever have a flawless creation? and i'm not juz talking about stains n cracks on ze walls. even if it is deemed flawless on the outset, n the intention worthy of men's praise, where does it stand in comparison with nature and creation? matchless. the earth itself is filled with the intricacies of integration. from details n little bits n pieces to huge wide scale displays of creation, everything adds up and forms a masterpiece. nothing is compromised. the creator has such a knack for details, wholeness, and creativity that there can be a burst of colours everywhere, a variety of shapes and form. a flurry of activity working together such that each depends on the other and all depend on the creator to work in tick-tock precision n timing.
how marvellous. how awesome.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
food-in-a-day
hmm y can't i upload the photo?
Monday, October 17, 2005
Decisions
Thursday, October 13, 2005
IF... then...
i'm often guilty of not reflecting Christ in my life, and perhaps even caused people distress and to stumble. sigh... If we've really accepted Jesus Christ as the ruler of our lives, then why do we still seem to live our lives our way?
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out ouf selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:1-5
Do not worry
Matthew6:33-34
Friday, October 07, 2005
Estimated cost of this week
what was the rate of output? hmm difficult to calculate. perhaps some molehills were crossed.
had quite a high percentage wastage, variation cost, and unexpected profits along the way.
to obtain help from pple, one must play the waiting game. to wait patiently... and wait... and wait. yawnz... oooh and must still have the up-beat smile and appreciation. tt's the rule of the game. i was reminded of it this week. don't give up! perseverance pays!???
restful nightly sleep... but why do i still go into deep naps (short but deep) in d middle of the day? i think i did that at least 3 times this week. =P
loong project hours... r we on the right track?
our group got shot down during tutorial. sigh... one must always not be demoralised. are we really that incompetent? does one have to 'de-sensitivise' so as to come out stronger rather than melt in d heat? is there such a thing as being moulded - stronger, better, and retaining the feeling? know wat i mean?
during the wait, got to talk to a friend a little more... it was good... was quite excited tt i could share a little of my faith and thoughts coz my friend's a non-christian and it's always exciting when they ask without me initiating... yes? hehehe... though hmm i seemed stuck for 'godly advice' again. it's as though my brain has this cabinet with a particular theme but in it is a jumbled mess and it is futile to search last min. i must ponder over it more with the Word. profit or loss?
another friend asked me whether i must go to church every week... hmm wow... but hardly got to elaborate. next time bah...
projects... can bring out the best and the worst in you... people watch. people listen. people form opinions. what will we be in their eyes? when working styles clash/unhappiness arise, where do you stand? when people become fed-up and complaint, what do you say? or do you keep quiet? will you join in? when competition arises, will you only look out for your group's interest?
"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance" (2 Thessalonians 3:3-5)
Saturday, October 01, 2005
doubting d.
and yes. sometimes i think i'm crazy doing things other than wat those in sch would be doing... and no... i'm not an alien! i do lotsa stupid things tt i regret but well argh tt's not the point. i'm really incoherent today.
but really, y do we do all that we do when everything will end one day? manz... it can be awfully bleak when u think abt it. slogging... straining... loving... hurting... etc n then it's over as though whatever ever happened was nothing. i would like to think (no please... don't shut ur heart...) that there's this hope of living eternally in d most awesome of place, with like-minded pple, with d most majestic person - d I AM... becoz of what I AM had done for us.
hmm if i'm really so onz/committed/passionate abt the faith i so profess, then... why don't i actively initiate communication abt God, sin, love, salvation, etc? why do i lack the courage or if i do have d courage i doubt what i've said, and its impact on pple? i've heard many times abt the various ways to share the gospel, why we should, and even been part of various activities/events/groups which aim to do tt. but still, how often do i talk about d gospel, what role God has played in my life, and brought nc to church? truth is, God has already provided me with lotsa knowledge and opportunities to share the gospel. more importantly, He has provided me with Himself. but many times i doubt my capability and credibility - juz like Moses who was reluctant to do what God wanted him to do (exodus 3-4). i fret that not only wat i say is not good enough/convincing/impactful, but tt my listener will reject me and worse - God. sigh... i also wonder when is the 'best time' but well, anytime is a good time... i guess... if i look out for it... hmm or will i say as Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."? please Lord, forgive my doubting self, forgive me for doubting You...
will i trust that God will help me speak and teach me what to say?
will i trust in Him who has been given all authority in heaven and on earth? will i go share d gospel?
He said, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (matthew 28: 20)
Friday, September 30, 2005
weight lifter
- work/studies
- responsibilities
- bag, books, laptop!!! (i'm like a turtle groaning from d load and building up muscles and strain =P)
- guilt?
- i'm sure there are more... can't think of them right now though...
haiz... seems like life is such a burden. are we hunch-backs from all the weight we carry around? y do we have burdens? for moulding? as punishment? to make us attuned to reality? juz becoz and we've to accept it?
life... tiring? i wanna be... free from this burden or at least have someone who can share my load. yet i also want to be hmmm independent. hahah i'm a confused person. =S
reminded of a song i'm sorry i can't remember who's d author or what's d copyright if there still is... it's called:
He will carry you... and it goes something like this (with some parts left out heh):
there is no problem too big... he cannot solve it...
there is no sorrow too deep... he cannot soothe it...
if he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder
i know my bro/sis that he'll carry you
He said, 'come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest'
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Thanks =)
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Rose Apple aka Jambu
Friday, September 16, 2005
Mid-autumn at rooftop
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
rainy rainy day...hello!
yeah actually it's quite weird tt we blog for everyone to read when we used to keep diaries under lock and key... eh actually guess wat's blogged is not d deepest deepest stuff for alot of pple? or juz want to let pple noe wat's happening in our lives? or? hmm oh wasn't my point in this post haha
it's a rainy rainy day todaay! the sky was dark. the temperature low. the wind blew. the rain poured. thunder roared. lightning flashed. AND i couldn't hear myself and others in the engine canteen as we ate. hmphz super bad acoustics... of all places in the ENGINE canteen. i "huhhhh"ed a zillion times. okie i'm exaggerating but yeah... bad acoustics.
met duong at the canteen and he joined us for dinner! how nice! heh i better jot down the 5 vietnamese words i learnt from him before i forget. chao baan - hello you (general). chao an - hello older male. chao am - hello younger male/female. chao jing - hello older female. sigh i forgot the 5th word supposed to be byebye. sigh. i think i remembered the words correctly =P
new girl eileen joined us today. =) hmm i'm always so worried tt people will be put off by the late meeting/apologetic for it being late. y?? guess coz i think it's quite late too hahahah... or hmm i'm letting the timing affect rather than trusting God to convict their hearts to come despite the late meetings? :S
how much of me do u know? how much of u do i know?
Friday, September 09, 2005
Fruity FRuity
we were waiting til around 9 pm and there weren't any of them in sight. but at 9 plus they started turning up! wow... and they're juz soo cute. so bubbly and easy to make friends with. Thank the good Lord!
hmm i'm feeling really fruity rite now with the durians, duku... cikgu? still can't tell =P, pomelo, jambu, pineapple... a weird mix no doubt. pray that we don't get stomach ache. =/
now... where do we go from here? *hmm my comp seems to be swaying again. isit my eyes or is the comp/table really swaying?* oh i was saying, yeah how are we gonna go from here? God please grant us wisdom, love and strength. =)
i had half a humongous vegetarian bao for dinner before the fruits. then i was hungry at 12:00 am and ate mooncake. *huge sigh* how to sleep now?? hmm glad i'm gonna have a workout tomorrow... oh no... more aches!
btw... i chose this colour coz it reminds me of the durian heheh
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
fruit supper party
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
ka-boom!!
today - took a lift from dad to school and on our way, there was a sudden KA-BOOOMM!!!!!!!!! i literally jumped from my seat manz... my dad and i were like... errrrmmm wat was that?! no dragging of car ... everything seemed fine... and when my dad checked, it was alright. hmmm what happened? maybe it was the car behind us coz it slowed down. hope its alright. but gosh... it was real loud =P
thank God we're okie and everything seems fine
Monday, August 29, 2005
Contentment
Why do we always long for something more?
- When we have little, we worry it is not enough... when we have much, we still want more.
- The other side is always greener.
- Others are always getting better things, a better life.
We're not happy with where we are, not happy with who we are, not happy with people.
When will it end? Will we ever be satisfied, contented?
Will we be thankful for what we have, and be joyful when true contentment comes our way? Or will we be blind to that one thing which satisfies our thirst for more?
Content-ment. Content... contents...? having things inside? being filled? hmmm not sure...
Found an interesting definition of Contentment in dictionary.com:
contentment
a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may
be (1 Tim. 6:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). It is opposed to envy (James 3:16), avarice (Heb.
13:5), ambition (Prov. 13:10), anxiety (Matt. 6:25, 34), and repining (1 Cor.
10:10). It arises from the inward disposition, and is the offspring of
humility, and of an intelligent consideration of the rectitude and benignity of
divine providence (Ps. 96:1, 2; 145), the greatness of the divine promises (2
Pet. 1:4), and our own unworthiness (Gen. 32:10); as well as from the view the
gospel opens up to us of rest and peace hereafter (Rom. 5:2).
Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary
Saturday, August 27, 2005
friends
i really love making friends... isn't it good to know more people instead of cutting people off from my circle of friends? i really like to find out what makes people tick... and to see the different personalities and background at work...
however, as i get to meet more people, and my circle of friends widen, it feels kinda sad, taxing, even hypocritical coz of failure more often than not to meet the demands of time and energy required to keep a friendship going. who do i spend more time with? what do i do with them? so i try to know more people, but form deeper relationships with some.... allocate my meeting time... and try to be available whenever possible. but for me, it'll never seem enough. it seems biase. or perhaps, i think it may seem hypocritical to those who know me only at surface level. sigh... but i know i've limits... and what about other areas such as family, studies, activities? haiz... how Lord? what shall i do?
Friday, August 26, 2005
i juz wanna
singing praises unto Him
no matter whether i'm up or down
i juz noe He's there for me and i can run...run...run...to Him
i juz wanna sing with thanksgiving
for being so forgiving
of all that i've done past and present
and i noe that He loves me coz he suffered...died...rose...for me
i juz wanna hide in His presence
taking refuge when it storms
as He calls us who are weary, come!
for i noe that i'll never thirst as i drink...drink...drink...from Him
Monday, August 22, 2005
Long day
i had a short, short day of school today. =) 9-10am lecture/tutorial which included short movie clips which was fun! and that's all i had today. really short hehh...
but i was in school til nearly 10pm coz of our first contact group meeting... the waiting part was long... but it was okie in the end and a well worth wait coz it was a great time of catching up with people and getting to know the new ones =) it's really wonderful seeing them new faces so bright, eager and expectant. heh... and i enjoyed the time of sharing and getting to know how alot of us really are natural introverts though the word introvert was banned towards the end =P oh well... we do have our quiet moments and yet are able to rise up to the occasion. heh. anyway, i do hope the rest will be able to make it for future meetings and that the numbers won't dwindle. it's a great start to a new sem so ooh God, continue to guide the cg in growing in love and knowledge of Him together?
i can't think very well now coz of this dullness of mind coming from a tempting lure of sleep so yeah... anyway was thinking my pointing fingers post was pretty harsh... is it? okie i think i better go zzz... really not functioning optimally... nitez... another long day tml... k really really nitez...
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Pointing fingers
the ice breaker during this week's bible study was what are the common problems often found in the news?
wars. violence. corruption. poverty. environmental degradation. family breakups.
what do people have to say? who do people blame? what about you? who/what do you say is the cause of problems the world faces?
on a smaller scale closer to home?
back-stabbing. cutting people off from groups. smoking. drunkedness. debts. unhappiness. etc.
who do you blame? do you agree with any of the following answers?
i'll blame... others.
they've a problem and they are the cause of the problems so please don't come give me more problems coz you'll make my life miserable...
others are doing it, so why can't i do it? i need to protect my own interest and besides, one more person doing it doesn't make a difference. ie tradegy of the commons
it's all the government's fault. everything.
it's in the genes. we can't help it.
it's just a bad day.
man.
God. if there is a God, why doesn't he stop all these bad things? if he made the world, why is it in such a mess?
oh well... the list doesn't stop huh? and more often than not, we love to point fingers at everyone...but ourselves. if what the bible says is true, that sin (rejection of God's authority and sovereignty over the world and us, and hence the consequences we see all around us) came into the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve, well then, it's them we should blame! don't you think so? they started it and made us suffer for it! hmphz. but then... if we were them, will we do the same?
well, then GOd made man ya noe... so it must be his fault then. who asked him to make us able to disobey and do evil? who asked him to place the serpent and the devil to let us be tempted to do bad? who asked him to place the tree to tempt us? who asked him? not us. i wanna be good. i wanna be absolutely faultless. i wanna be puuurfect. i wanna have the freedom to choose and know that i'll make the right choice. not like adam. hmmm eh. if i was given the freedom to choose, but was programmed to make the right choice then where's the freedom in that?
but i guess... at the end of the day, we're juz missing the point. we're pointing aimlessly, desperately, at everywhere but ourselves. we refuse to point to our own defiance, and dismissal of God's sovereignty and rule over our lives and the world. we refuse to point to the heart of the matter, that we're sinners. we refuse to point to Jesus Christ as the answer and solution to our problem. hmm sigh... sometimes i wonder... can i juz keep my fingers to myself and not point anywhere? sigh... but that's a refusal to acknowledge the problems that are present hor? so complicated... or is it?
Monday, August 15, 2005
testing the boundary
i'm testing the boundary... how much can i slack and get work done and sleep early? ah well... this boundary shouldn't be tested... it's a vicious cycle i say. slack...work...sleep late... wake up late... slack coz of effects of sleeping and waking up late... work... sleep late...ah... no go no go! i better keep within the boundary when workload piles up. =P
i'm testing the boundary... how much things can i get done in between? well... quite alot i say... but that's if i don't get stuck on msn and taking long time at emails. but well... this boundary is still being tested.
now i'm testing how much i can withstand before it's meal time again...
Monday, August 08, 2005
Marriage
wat's it then, that makes them attached, committed, and finally married? i suppose it's love(wat's love?), interests, trust, interdependence, etcetc... or is it coz there's an emptiness tt's to be filled? or coz everyone's getting attached? or coz of desires? or loneliness? i guess, there are many factors bah...
but when pple my age or younger are getting married, it feels real weird. not tt i'm not happy for them, i am, i really am! but it makes me think: wow! i'm not tt old am i? i feel like a child with many things to learn and explore... to be married now at my age? wow... i can't even imagine myself being a wife and a mother now. =P okie maybe, but well it's real weird all the same. who's d person i would want to spend d rest of my life with? wow... serious... it's a terrifying thought. how do you know that he's the one who'll spend d rest of his life with ya, building ya up in d meantime? *shrug* dunno.
tt's y i think it's pretty cool and strange at the same time if it can ever be so, tt my church's talking about marriage, dating/singlehood, family etc in recent sermons and bible studies. =) can u imagine? d bible even has stuff about marriage and finding a partner! wow... singlehood or marriage? wise or unwise? are juz some of d questions raised. =)
so wat now? haha... i'm still exploring oopz... and trying to mold myself more like my Lord bah... hard manz... real hard.
The poor hamster
had a rare, splendid, long evening nap and one of my dreams was about a hamster.
i had this hamster, and i kept it in a handbag or something. i took it out at times to pat and then put it back into the bag. and then! i suddenly remembered (in my dream) that i hadn't fed it or given it water to drink for days! and it was getting stiff (dunno y coz it wasn't dead in my dream) so i quickly grabbed some container and filled it with water for my hamster to drink and "liven up". so it drank and drank... then! it started to urinate! argh! and its urine was spilling over the table and into its drink! in my panicky state, i carried it and it started shooting urine all over the place! eeyucks. totally disgusting. it woke me from my slumber... maybe i woke up coz i couldn't handle the situation anymore, from almost starving and depriving it of water, to it not being toilet trained. =P
Friday, August 05, 2005
lunch time
*sip*
it's the last week of hols before the sch term starts with all the projs and tests and watnots. but whilst everyone's flurrying trying to get things done or prepare for wat's to come, i feel as though school's started 10 weeks ago. =) and it's a pretty good feeling hahah... being in the groove of things and all. erhmm tt's wat i think now lah. *sip* for this sem i'm gonna have dissertation which is 8 modular credits, professional practice (construction) and total building performance as core modules. spent the most points on an engineering module: global environmental issues. heh i spent like 617 bidding points for it manz! it better be worth it haah... or rather i better make good use of it! =P *sip*
the past few days have been spent staring at the comp for long hours trying to analyze data collected on the dust concentration and temp and humidity. cheemalogy? it's juz analyzing how much air pollution we're breathing in and the effect of the temp and humidity on it. it's pretty disgusting thinking abt wat gets into our system and how it never gets out! so graphs, figures, excel, notepad, copying, pasting, extracting etcetc are now part of my ordinary life. *sip*
some how, i've been thinking abt something that was said at one of the sermons. we ask: "LORD do you LOVE ME?" we demand: "LORD show ME you LOVE ME!" but HE says: I have LOVED YOU... but have YOU loved me? *sip* (aaah... finished my kiwi juice and i'm feeling sooooo contented)I know He loves me. Though i'm in the depths of despair, though i may sink and fall, though rough storms brew and i often don't understand the things that come my way, i know. i just know He loves me. and i trust that he'll love me and keep me to the end. But...but... i cannot answer... i cannot answer his question... have i loved Him? i can simply say yes i do. but then... how? how have i loved Him? *long pause* through words? are words that come out of my mouth purely lip service and words said off the cuff through years of teaching and textbook ans like? do i love Him enough then to proclaim with words His love and wat He has done to the pple around me? i think many times, words like these just won't come out, especially when i'm outnumbered and the parties seem so sure and certain abt wat they're saying. how about actions? ahh... i'm involved in christian activities, i try to be as good as possible, i try erm try to read the bible everyday, i try to be nice. hmmmm but if i'm to die for my fren and enemy like wat Jesus did for me, hmmm i'll think twice. no thrice. no many times. ooh yes! i can serve lotsa pple just as He asked me to! heh... but honestly? i dun do it cheerfully and other-pple-centredly all the time. =P *blush* so yeah... words and actions are out. thoughts? hmmm welllll He seems to be an intimate part of my life, my thoughts... but i guess... many times other things seem to crowd Him out of the picture. people relationships, work, self, tv, fun, etc are juz some of things that are often in my mind. yes, He does have an influence on the things i do and the decisions i make. but how often i juz shut Him out becoz it's juz so inconvenient! ahhhhhh can't think of anything else tt i might be loving Him in. but no... He wants all of me! argh. are you sure Lord? can i juz give you erm 20% of my life and leave the rest for me? u know i love u...right? so u dun need so much of me to know that.... right? i need myself for myself, my frens, my recognition, my success, my ... anyway i need at least 80%. sheesh... but i know you want 100%. how can?! i'm human, i fall, i sin, i want more! i guess... i think... i feel... i know... i cannot love you like you've loved me. but if you want my love to you Lord, help me... help me to love you... may every breath tt i take, every moment of my life, be one of love for YOu. Help me Lord.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Outta steam
Haven't had the energy... or rather the drive... mood... brains... settlement of thoughts or events... watever... to blog.
Was sick. still recovering.
Dunno wat i was doing last week.
Been frequenting our experiment site for attachment and dissertation purposes for 3 days in a row, and still counting.
Met up with friends. was good despite my outta steamness.
Dunno wat i've been doing.
Sleepy.
Exhausted.
Supposed to be doing some analysis for the data collected so far. Waiting for laptop battery to be charged.
ARgh.
I shall go recharge my own 'battery'.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Laptop in the Hospital
I've come to realize how much my laptop has aged as it grew old with me over the past 3 years. It has suffered many a scolding from me for not working the way i wanted it to work, stayed up late into the wee hours of the morning, hibernated when i concussed, and filled itself with private conversations and my personal memories...and more.
OKAY... it's not gone case yet. Thankfully.
BUT... it is in the hospital undergoing parts transplant.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Sinful food
Monday, July 04, 2005
Meaninglessness
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Let us read Ecclesiastes 2:18-26 which was written by a wise teacher:
18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. 19And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. 20So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. 21For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. 22What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? 23All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless. 24A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? 26To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Message
Have you ever wondered why we work, eat, or sleep? Why do we play and have fun? What is the meaning of life when all we do is live a life between birth and death?
For some of us, our lives are endless cycles like the rising and setting of the sun. When life cycles are mentioned, some of us may think of our next lives and the next, next life. Or picture a farmer waking up at dawn (when the sun rises), has his breakfast, goes out to the field to work the land, has his lunch, resumes his work, goes home at dusk (sunset) for his dinner and sleeps. The next day, he starts all over again. Life can be tiring when there is no end and no purpose/meaning.
But what if there is some meaning, so we say, even if it is only a little meaning to life? The farmer’s purpose is to feed himself and his family. Even my grandmother’s life seemed to have meaning in it which was to provide for her children. From childbearing to breastfeeding to spoon-feeding; and from clothing them to giving them away in marriage, my grandmother’s daily work revolved around/focused on her children. Do these then bring meaning to our life? What meaning will all these bring to us when we die in the end, for indeed all of us will die? Why do we labor and sweat so much for a life that will end in death? At the end of it all, it is just things that are temporary. In fact, our possessions will go to others, and our children will leave home. As verse 18 rightly puts it, 18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. No. There is no meaning even in these things.
The teacher seemed to understand our thoughts and feelings of despair, describing his own feelings of despair in verses 18 and 20. (18I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun; 20So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun.) Why indeed, do we do what we are doing when we cannot enjoy the product or fruit of our work/labor forever? When what we have sweated and labored for will be passed on to somebody who did not sweat and labor for it? This is enforced in 19And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. and 21For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. In fact, it makes us who have placed so much hope and energy into these things, very unhappy and at a loss. 21This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.
Therefore, meaningfulness is not a matter of how wise we are in doing our work, how smart we are such as in our studies, or how skillful we are such as our very skillful hand work in making furniture. The furniture will go to the people who buy them, and the money we earn will be worthless to us when we die.
Meaningfulness is also not a matter of how much we work and rest. Whether we work or sleep, labor or play, there is no difference. Just as verse 23 says 23All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest.
Then what is it? What is there in all our work for us? Surely, there must be something, a reason for what we do! Yes! You are right! There is a reason for and meaning to what we do. Let us think for a while what this reason might be… No? No answer? Well, let us read again: 18all the things I had toiled for under the sun, 19effort and skill under the sun, 20all my toilsome labor under the sun, and lastly, 22all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun. What is common in all these verses? That what we work for ‘under the sun’ will be difficult and meaningless. What does it mean by ‘under the sun’? It means anything that we can see and observe in this world. If we do anything in this world and in our lives without knowing why then it is a meaningless activity. But the teacher says that God gives us an answer to our search for meaning in what we do. God is over and above everything and he puts meaning in it, that we may enjoy what God has given us! Verse 24 writes: 24A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, 25for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?
For to work, eat, sleep and play, and all the other things of living are actually good. What makes them bitter, toilsome, and without meaning is us wanting to get more out of it than we should and can. We place all our hopes and meaning of life in these things that we forget that they are only things God gave us to enjoy His presence and what He had made. Just like the tools and parts that a car maker uses to make a car so that we can enjoy the car, so too our work, food and rest are tools and parts God gave us to enjoy the bigger picture – Him and His creation.
With God in our lives, we will also not be worried or despair over things that will not last. If we change the way we look at things in life by putting our hope in God and being with Him forever, then we will enjoy what God has given us. In addition, He will give us wisdom, knowledge and happiness as we see in verse 26, to enjoy these things that He has given us. However, if we do not change, and still think that what we do or work for will make us contented/satisfied or give ourselves credit for these things, then we will end up toiling and working so hard for nothing. As the wise teacher wrote in verse 26, 26but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
In response, let us ask God to be our purpose in life, so that we would not find all things meaningless. Let us put our hope in God, enjoying His presence and what He has given us. Let us thank Him for giving us something that will last forever instead of something that will not last, ‘a chasing after the wind’ – and that something that will last is a life with Him forever/an eternal life with God.
Meaninglessness or meaningfulness? One must choose...
Friday, June 24, 2005
Holiness
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Is that her?
Music to His ears
We were impressed by this drum set. The drum, together with a few pairs of pieces of wood, were made and played with exuberance and such joy by the members of one of the churches we went to in Thailand. So what if we don't have "proper" instruments? God gave us gifts to give him praise and honour. He gave us voices to sing, words to express, rhythm (no matter whether it's only 2 beats or off-beat etc), gave us creativity and resourcefulness, and a heart of thanksgiving. May it all be music pleasing to Him...
Thailand delicacies
Friday, June 17, 2005
Updates on MEETHAI
General items:
It was a good trip... ate lots of fruits and was very memorable. Our team grew closer, and we got to know Alan, Bessie and Hannah, our hosts who made our stay most pleasant and homely, and Tammy their dog.
Ministry:
Our main ministry there was teaching English at 3 schools. However, high up on the agenda was MEETINGS - prayer meetings, cell group meetings, leadership meetings, missionary prayer meetings and ad hoc meetings. So it is very much of "building up the Church" ministry. As for sharing the gospel and testimony, it was done during church services, meetings, whilst teaching, and to people we met. So, we learned that it can be done anytime, anywhere, to different groups of people.
Most useful tool:
Alan's car. The amount of time we spent on the road (tarmac, concrete and/or dirt) and through stretches of less accessible places made us grateful for the car and being able to squeeze into it!
Most common sights:
Small towns, vast stretches of agriculture fields, dots of wooden-zinc 'open-air' houses, dogs, temples, altars, spirit houses and urns, and pictures of royalty along the streets and in every household.
THE PEOPLE
Missionaries & Full-time workers:
Aajaan Mon tha - A local, a full-time worker and has a cute dog named Naam Waan whom she often leaves at Alan's, has become dear to us as we see her very often. Her home is also used as Salok Bat Church.
WEC missionaries - Laura, Stephen, Danny, Corni, Alan, etc. They've been in Thailand for quite a number of years and many of them are going on "fellow", some kind of break. They seek to work with the believers and prepare/train the believers to study the God's Word, bring people to Christ and less dependent on the missionaries.
Believers - Mostly women... and they wonder: Where have all the MEN gone?? Most are not highly educated, work in the fields, sell things in the daalad (market), or are house-helpers. Passionate, hospitable people, they worship the Lord in the most unique of ways. Even though one church doesn't have instruments, that doesn't stop them from singing praises unto Him! (They made their own instruments)
However, one concern is whether they really know the Lord. Many of the new believers are not regular attenders too.
Wit Lai - leader of a church, young and knows a bit of English. Works in the field for 5 days. When we went to her cell group on 2 occasions, the only people attending apart from us were her father and 4/5 year old half-sister. She was discouraged. Reasons given: No transport/late at night, not feeling well, just not going... very familiar reasons.
Teachers and students - Students ranged from primary school to secondary school, some even 19 years old! Really enjoyed trying to communicate with them after the lessons, though it's quite difficult understanding each other. Not sure how much of the gospel message they understood... but am encouraged that believers heard of Jesus Christ since young so it's like seeds being planted... The teachers also heard, one was even interested...
Prayer:
1) Thank God for the work there, the workers and the believers.
2) Thank God for the local leaders eg Aajaan Mon tha and Wit laai He has raised up.
3) Pray for the hearts of those who've heard the gospel, that they'll come to accept Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour.
4) Pray that the believers will be able, willing and bold in sharing the gospel and doing follow-ups.
5) Pray that Wit Laai will not feel discouraged but find strength and encouragement in Him.
6) Pray for more male believers and that they'll be more active in service as well.
7) Pray for wisdom and sensitivity of the leaders and missionaries as they have to handle quite alot of "people problems".
8) Pray for sincere love amongst the people coz Thais are "polite" and may not show their true feelings.
10) Thank God for safety of the team.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
The crying...continued.
What's most devastating then, is being so fearful and trying to be in control of my life, mind and situation. Where is God then? Where have i placed Him in all my emotions? As a back up i suppose... when all else fails...
Yes, indeed when all else fails, i know that He doesn't fail... if only we put our trust in Him. For it wasn't until i learnt that God is the most powerful, with Jesus Christ being the living example of how the evil spirits feared him and how he's had victory over them and death, that i started to put my trust in God regarding this matter. Whatever my fears, i tell it to him... and he comforts me.
Just like this time, when i encountered such an incident, i was erm actually fearful... until he reminded me of his love, and to have faith in Him...
Tis me of little faith...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Blood curdling cry
Thursday, June 02, 2005
near or far, the problem still exists
Why? coz No. 1, do you know how much dust you are breathing into your lungs?! One lady said our lungs must be as black as anything with all ze particles trapped inside eww... No. 2, you get to meet interesting people. Yes, I do miss Thailand and the people but we do get to meet all kinds of people right here in Singapore too. I'll just give one example which is utmost in my mind right now.
knock knock knock... down the block we went... and then we came to this flat. Someone was vacuuming the floor. I could hardly hear myself above the loud roaring of the traffic and vacuum cleaner. Just inside the door was an altar with some kind of picture and incense and some other things. Two wooden masks hung on the wall at the sides, and a wooden statue of a man with a spear along with toys and a porcelain cat stood at the foot of the altar. My friend and I rang the doorbell and finally, the vacuum cleaner stopped. A grim looking man, topless with tattoos of the picture mentioned above, came out, opened the grille door and beckoned with his hands for us to enter. My friend and I looked at each other. Seemed like there was no choice... my friend, a guy, entered and sat on the sofa looking apprehensive. We decided that i shouldn't go in so i erm gave a weak excuse that i'm going to knock on other doors. =P So i hid away from the door peeping in at times =P My other friends later joined me outside. And boy, did we wait! That man talked with my friend for about an hour! There are details I think it not wise to add in here but anyway my friend later came down with a Lee Kuan Yew biography and told us that that man's actually okie and quite nice (apologising for scaring me), but very wary of salesmen/women even going to extent of chasing them all the way out of the block. He also showed my friend the extremely close proximity of the block to the road and the difficulty in counting the number of vehicles passing in a minute. He also said he kept child spirits hence the altar, toys and the tattoos. He was praying during the visit, and i heard the ringing of a bell. He had 2 adopted daughters who left him after graduation.
Sigh... I knew it would be something like this, seeing from the altar. As i was standing outside, i was thinking of my friend and the man inside. Of the altar. I couldn't help but think the man is a devote spirit worshipper and there being a stronghold in that house. But I remembered that God is the greatest, the sovereign one. He is more powerful than any other thing. I started singing quietly "He is the King of kings... the Lord of lords...", "Joy is the flag flown high..." , "my God is so big..." hmm now that I've typed it down, I realise that these are some of the songs i held dear as a child. Not knowing what to do, standing there, i prayed that he too will come to know the Lord...
Now, i remember something i wrote in the morning: that one of the things I learned in Thailand is that God's grace extends to all nations, all people.
So too, this man.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
BORED
Friday, May 06, 2005
Beautiful day
The Coconut
The wave breaker
The Sand
Thoughts in d wee hours
I know she and my dad are worried for my safety as I go on a trip to Thailand next tuesday. It will be one of the few times I'm away without them for such a long time. What's more, the recent spate of events and reports does not make Thailand a very safe place... However, they still are letting me go... not because they don't have a say, not because they are confident nothing will happen to me... but because they trust that God is sovereign... It is a difficult thing... especially for my mom... but I thank the good Lord that she has come to accept and trust... perhaps opening up to her about what i'm doing helped.
As some of you know, i'll be going to Northern Thailand with 5 other friends as part of a Missions, Education, and Exposure Training programme that i've been in for the past 8-9 mths. It's been an experience i'll never forget. Times of low, anguish, anger, confusion, lostness... many times i felt like giving up. However, thankfully God showed me the times of joy, love, encouragement, learning, learning and learning... showing me more of Him, more of me. He helped me persevere... even when i'm tired, weak and helpless. I was busy. But He helped me through.
Now, through this last lap of preparation, many things have yet to be finalised and packed. Our hearts... are also in chaos i think... yeah... if we've gotten all prepared...have our hearts been prepared and ready for the trip? I dunno... but I'm thankful for the prayers... and I trust... though faltering at times, that God will protect our hearts... and He will see all things that work for His good, through.
It's early in the morning, and all's quiet... i'm sleepy... and i'm typing pretty spontaneously. =P
Oh yeah... never expected that in all these, i've to find out more about Singapore too... of which i'm too tired to read the details about thaipusam, vesak etc etc... shall try to squeeze in some time for that heh
Monday, May 02, 2005
Lizards
Music to my ears
Whilst the world outside goes round
So engrossed was I
In the TV box world lie
That I was oblivious
To the rain that had come and gone...obvious
Of course... to the birds
Who've come out in search
Of worms, fruits and tummy filling food
Tired from all the eye exercise
I turned my eyes
Instead to the world outside
And boy, were the birds right!
The greens, the wet road, the smell of fresh air
It should have long ago brought me outta my sofa chair
As I listen to the chirpings and songs so cheerful and bright
I was reminded afresh of yesternight
Of songs sung by the people of Mien
Beautiful voices echoing their love and gratitude for this one man
A God who found them first
And saved them from the curse
Though we spoke different languages
We were the same in that we all had God's love in us
Which made me think
Of all the languages in the world more than memory brings
So many...
So so many!
And just from one specie
What about the others in nature's beauty?
If I'm gifted in speaking in tongues
Then I want to speak in the many tongues
Of people with these beautiful words
So our love can reach them too with His Word
Friday, April 29, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The creeper
Really down...
and shouldn't be posting any blogs right now...
Felt better after pouring my self-centered woes to God haha terrible.
I have been strengthened. comforted. lifted from the depths. Today, i remembered my life. Today, i am thankful. Thankful for seeing me through all my life, through good and bad times. He has been holding my hands and not let them go... even when i wasn't aware of it!
At the end of my life, i wanna say that i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I am like the creeper which i saw the other day, clinging on to my life support from whom i can climb to see the light.
Be comforted.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Where's the line?
Hmm light... doesn't seem to be very enduring does it?
Light... and darkness...
Which brings me to the question of the day...
So I conclude.
Yeap and so the light is out:
Imagine...










