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heh... i know it has been a looong time since i last blogged. thanks guys for asking and still coming to find out if there's movement ahaha... there have been a few reasons for my silence... firstly, coz i'm juz too tired most days to switch on my comp when i reach home juz in time to eat, wash and sleep. manz am i gonna grow a huge tummy soon hahah... i've also attempted to write some stuff when i'm finally at my comp, but by the time i've read some blogs, and clicked the "create post", i'm in a blank. with words just stuck and eyes-a-rolling to dreamland. bleah. another reason is that there's been many things that have been happening, and things i'm still trying to get used to. things that fill my mind and make me silent.

okie wow. juz my reasons for not blogging alone took up a number of lines =P maybe i can get the hang of it by the end of this post haha...

argh. you know what?? there are 5 main things that i wanna talk abt. but it is like some brainstorming session that's in a mess. ya noe, those words that pop up and you write 'em down... like this:

woRk RelaTionships... sAlt friends goal Purpose
time punj why? sian. Pain mask.....
Cabaret... precious drain show Stresssss sandwich
wAlL sob.... Joy biscuits.

and the list goes on =P

so if you're wondering what i'm driving at with this jumble of words, here goes.

1) Work

Yes. the work which most pple don't know abt and needn't know abt... and for pple who have been asking "how's work?" well, work hasn't been smooth sailing. it's been a tremendously tiring and bumpy journey so far. and before you think i'm gonna enter into a groaning mode hahah.... well, i'll love to... but nah...i'll mix you up with a cup of thanksgiving and a cup of grumbling =P i'm thankful i enjoyed the first 2 weeks of slack. for the grind that came from then on is painful and a drain on my health and relationships. i was pretty depressed and stressed for a couple of weeks. with clients and pple barking and chasing... having to be on my toes and dancing to other pple's tune... having to know how to do stuff and ask the right questions at the right time... having to remember stuff despite the multitasking that is required... and one thing that bothered me much was why? why do some pple have to go through different treatments? what makes pple like or dislike others? why is there office politics in almost every job? almost everyday i have to remind myself and be reminded that this is the day that the Lord hath made, that He is sovereign over all things, and that i've to be a salt and light even here, not losing my saltiness. HAIZ. yesh. i've been sighing alot at my workstation. huge HAIZ. hahaha... helps me relieve stress you know hehehe... However, i'm thankful for the friends that came in with me, and the friends i found who encouraged me, cheered me up and listened to me. heh though i normally keep mum about my worries and stuff and seriously zip up in silence when i'm in a super worried/thoughtful mood. I thank God too for the understanding, support and prayer from my family and friends, who've been tirelessly asking me whether i'm having lunch, dinner (mostly biscuits which we're all getting sick of *puke* hehe), coming home early, etc; leaving food for me, waiting up for me, encouraging me, and keeping me sane and focused on things that really matter in life.

2) Cabaret

oooh yeah! managed to rush to the musical last saturday with my 2 friends heh... and yeah wasn't in the right mind to enjoy something which i normally greatly enjoy. but nvm that. it was hmm not exactly fantastic. =P it was hmm how should i put it? explicit? heh. and the props weren't that fantastic too... the singing and acting was okie... but heh as one of the songs went, life is but a cabaret, they were trying hard to smile and liven the atmosphere with a show within a show. though the plot wasn't that clear, the thing that impacted me was the whole performance and cabaret of life that the world goes through. everyone seems to be putting on a mask/an act for survival, which seems particularly striking during a war and in the working environment. another takeaway was that despite the sinful pleasures in life, they are short lived and don't really matter. no matter how glorious, colourful, bright or justified we try to make them, they still form part of a downward spiral in life. sooo i wonder whether my tombstone will read: "was a wonderful actress, who made the cabaret her life"? hmmm... *ponders*

3) Relationships

friendships and kinships have been neglected even more since i started work. =P sorry... not something i like doing - neglecting pple... but something that is affected when i'm overwhelmed by the many things that i've to learn to handle. and i do go into withdrawal on and off for the purpose of re-charging. another relationship issue that has cropped up increasingly over the years by different pple is that of being in a 'couple' relationship since some pple don't like the word bgr. =P why do pple enter into a relationship? why do pple [oh no. at this point, i'm starting to enter into the sleepy dreamland zone! argh. can't think properly. quick quick quick!] okie... so despite all the books and little conversations, i still am a little fuzzy wuzzy abt this whole issue like how do pple become attached, why do pple become attached, what do pple look out for, and why... why some just don't work out? like hmm after all the effort, emotions, and stuff that has been put in, fewer time spent with others, etc, it must be an extremely heart wrenching thing to find that at the end of the day, things just can't be what we hoped for... and afterall, who can we depend on for a lasting relationship but Him who has been faithful throughout the ages? hmm... yeah... i'm clueless... and maybe a little apprehensive abt all these things... and yesh i don't know what i'm talking about now... fuzzy wuzzy is the word.

4) Precious life

Every moment spent with family and friends is and should be a blessing. Who knows how long we will live and whenst ailments may take us away? For now we may be healthy and take things for granted; the next, struggling to hang on, be strong and make ends meet. Life is precious indeed. For us who believe in Christ - of His merciful forgiving act in taking our punishment of death, and of the hope of eternal life with Him - looking forward to seeing Him face to face one day may make such pain more bearable. But since we are still here on earth, i guess we shouldn't take life for granted... how am i treating the pple around me? how am i loving them? have i been spending effective time with them? have i been doing my part in sharing the precious gospel with pple whom i care about? am i even thinking about and acting upon the word and work of God? Life is precious. am i living it as i should be?

5) ministry

i don't often talk about ministries or what i serve in/do in the busy life i've had... but yeah... i think it is pretty exciting working with pple who love God and who want to use what little they have to serve His people. (though it makes me feel a little guilty at times haha for not putting in as much enthusiasm or effort in being part of the ministries both in CF and church heh...) i'm also glad that we've the freedom in serving in different ways, both big and small so that we can try our hand at different stuff and do our part in loving one another in practical ways. =) i do find it a continual challenge in living a life that's pleasing to Him, and guiding pple in knowing more about God and us through His word and living it out is an upheaval task that much prayer is needed indeed...

haha okie so i've sorta finished my posting for today. i'm looking forward to having a good night's rest... a wednesday off coz of Singapore's Birthday =) ... a time with friends taking photographs again... seeing a new baby... and hmm friday and the weekend!!!!