To: Rain

rain rain go away,
come again another day!
let that day
be at never-coming bay.

i don't wanna catch a cold,
for this i'm told,
that rain you bring the cold,
unless i hide beneath my quilt cover fold!

you fill up the holes,
splash into my poor shoe soles,
you bring a shiver to my soul
only calmed by a warm soup-filled bowl.

people don't wanna go out and play,
all the plans can go make hay,
wait til the sun comes out then say,
else i'll stay at home and make clay.

why all gloomy and sad?
are the clouds crying or thunderingly mad?
why can't you be like the sun the good lad?
oh i forgot, you have a part to play so you can't be all that bad.

rain rain do what you gotta do,
then let the dear light rule,
for we're all waiting for the sun to smile oh yes we do,
and for our shouts of joy to be heard too!

Emocomatose

i was in a state of emocomatose (emotions in comatose) the past one week or so... my very own new word to describe a complex state of feeling that brings me to no feeling-ness. great if u understand it... if not then it's okie heh coz i dun understand it myself.

maybe i know the reasons behind this 'emocomatose'... factors meshed up in a mess. i tried to untangle this mess, and pulled out a few strings.

dissertation in a dismally slow state with no mood for it. guilt towards my prof for slowness... came back on my own early the day after Christmas. sadness from leaving the family gathering and coming home to quietness. a little uneasy and unsettled coz part of the reason why i came back did not materialise in the end... but happy coz of the prcs and the time had with them... tiredness from all the rushing around, busyness, shopping, travelling, driving... boredom despite the busyness... stone-ness for watching tv to have noise in the house... lazyness to buy food to cook... not being serious in qt... silence.

ah... maybe it's the cancellation of the various factors so it balanced up to unfeeling-ness? dunno...

but praise God! He has brought me through... and i think... i think i'm slowly climbing out of that rut. ask me if i blame God for my 'emocomatose', i say... no. i couldn't coz i was emocomatose remember? tis partly my fault too... and i had some fruitful times despite my emocomatoseness. i got to know some prcs and some new acquiantances, i felt the need to talk to God coz of the silence, was reminded of the music from family noise, i realised i'm watching too much tv without much care for it anyway.

so yar. here i am with a few untangled ruffled pieces of string tt still doesn't quite make sense. tt's it. i'm gonna leave it as tt and move on. it's the new year manz! oh btw, one of the things that Pastor Chris' NYE sermon reminded me was... how do i know i'm gonna be here next NYE? hmm what am i gonna do with this uncertainty?

random-ness

• Was wondering whether i should continue blogging... i think i lost the reason y i started blogging =P
• Shall give this another go...
• The weather's real hot now... or is it me burning inside?
• PUNJ camp was HO! despite it being different from the previous camps, it was good! i was quite inconsistent in my studying of Ezekiel and there wasn't alot of heavy-duty group bible study but i still learnt much through Pastor Boon Yong's break down of the passages and relating to us, and the reflections. O Lord, Where are you? It's funny how we ask Him where He is when times are bad but kick Him aside and prostitute ourselves to the ways of the world when times are good or when we forget what He has done for us. Yet He is forever consistent despite our inconsistencies. He is faithful in words and deeds. Have we given Him the glory that He deserves? He is glory itself and He will fulfill His promises.
• Did i mention that Jesus loves you?
• Is Christmas a whole warped idea of commercial money-making festival with Santas and jinglebells and turkey and presents? Or is it a reminder of the baby Jesus Christ born on earth to die for our Sin (rejection of God)? Don't understand? Then go find out more!
• i really enjoyed the fellowship during the PUNJ camp. Got to know new people, caught up with old friends, got to know pple better. Thanks guys for making Jon feel comfortable. =) really appreciate that.
• I'm totally blurred by the many things happening/i've to do. Hope i can cope =P
• ARGH what's happening to my dissertation?!!! Lord i really need help to concentrate... FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
• okiez i should go back to dissy...

Hi there! How are you?

Hi...*grin*. How are you?

Conversations. What are conversations? How do you engage in a totally erm engaging conversation? How personal should one be in a conversation?

In today's fast paced, high-tech society where the world seems to be smaller and closer with "globalisation", have our interpersonal relationships gone a step further in improvement? From villages where you know only the village people but are involved in each other’s lives, to today's global village with a whole lot of people out there you can meet at the touch of a button but feel alienated. Have we really become an impersonal society in which we shut people out and build walls around us in an attempt to create some form of privacy?

There are so many avenues available now for us to "communicate". Like right now, I'm trying to share my thoughts on this baffling issue that has hounded me for erm well I dunno how long hah...right here in this blogging thingy where supposedly all those who know my blogging spot can read and erm know more about me and erm my inner workings. Argh. ARgh...but who are you?? I feel as though I'm talking to people out there but who? It is different from diaries where it is for me and me only to read, and my diary to keep the secrets. But here, it is not supposed to be secret. It's for people to read, people to share my life with me. But sigh... it is more of a one way communication.

MSN and SMS are the other highly popular ways of communication, WORDS... aren't they wonderful? It can be spoken, written, typed, or even imagined. Thing is, with MSN and SMS, we're not face to face, we're hidden behind a facade of high tech gizmos which help us put on masks depending on how long we can put up with the charade. Yesh, our conversations may be honest and true to who we are... but don't you just love the backspace and delete tab, the time to think or reply, the offline/busy/away mode, or just being MIA?

Which brings me to the point of my laments haha... I sound like a disgruntled person babbling away but truly, I'm baffled at communication or the lack of it. How sometimes when we meet face to face and have lotsa opportunities to engage in some comfortable conversation yet words seem to be like oxygen deep in the ocean or high up in the mountains where you struggle for words but find few and far stretched between. It's awfully laboursome. Can we say "aahhh wait for awhile or perhaps a long time, until we have something to say and better still something meaningful and deeper?" and when we meet again, will we say the same thing? How much do we know about the people around us? Peanuts? How much do we want to be involved in people's lives no matter the inconvenience?

Can you give me a little more time... no lotsa time to figure out and learn these things? It's a mountainous task... but hmm I hear God can move mountains? Heh...

bored

i'm bored.

after a month's worth of crash studying, i'm bored.

after thinking of all the wonderful things i can do once the exams are over, i'm bored.

after all the hooooo-haaaa about the leaking ceiling, d final crashing of the false ceiling and the long drawn repairing, it's become stale news.

after less than a year's worth of blogging, i'm getting bored.

hmmm do i really have such a short attention span? well, sometimes haha... when i realise that the things are not that important. when the wonders of it, the splendour, the excitement, the urgency, the surface beauty dies down... and it's all... nothing, really. perhaps i've picked up different skills, knowledge, thoughts, outlook and yeah ways to express myself. perhaps. or maybe not.

TBP

non-building students, forgive me as i rant a little abt TBP. i noe u won't mind hee...

Total BUilding Performance. it is a concept aimed at dealing with every aspect of building. from lighting to building integrity... to the well-being of the occupant. what is needed is the basic integration of the building delivery process, communication & cooperation of those involved. to integrate everything as much as possible so that it'll be perfect and satisfies every need/aspect without compromising other areas.... well something like tt...

however, due to the issues, people and limitations involved, it is hardly every likely that a building constructed by man will be perfect. me thinks that... i mean... how can something made by human hands which have been stained from inside out ever have a flawless creation? and i'm not juz talking about stains n cracks on ze walls. even if it is deemed flawless on the outset, n the intention worthy of men's praise, where does it stand in comparison with nature and creation? matchless. the earth itself is filled with the intricacies of integration. from details n little bits n pieces to huge wide scale displays of creation, everything adds up and forms a masterpiece. nothing is compromised. the creator has such a knack for details, wholeness, and creativity that there can be a burst of colours everywhere, a variety of shapes and form. a flurry of activity working together such that each depends on the other and all depend on the creator to work in tick-tock precision n timing.

how marvellous. how awesome.

food-in-a-day

i wonder what my stomach and digestive system is doing to cope with the food i'm ate today? it's a really weird mix! spicy steamboat buffet... chocolate cake... java dark chocolate with orange peel... spaghetti... orange... heee really feel sorry for it heheh... anyway, happy birthday to u November babies! and yeap was a wonderful day at Esplanade taking silly photos! haahaha... argh sigh study period is here! so fast!

hmm y can't i upload the photo?

Decisions

Decisions, decisions... so difficult to make... can anything be easier than deciding that Christ be my Lord and Saviour?

IF... then...

why do Christians who claim to have the one true way get embroiled in disagreements and unhappiness, and do not seem to be united in their faith? i suppose.... non-christians often wonder and conclude that this Christian faith is no different and nothing much afterall... it is really sad that as people who've come to know and accepted Christ as our Lord and Saviour, we often do not reflect what Christ has done in our lives...

i'm often guilty of not reflecting Christ in my life, and perhaps even caused people distress and to stumble. sigh... If we've really accepted Jesus Christ as the ruler of our lives, then why do we still seem to live our lives our way?

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out ouf selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus..." Philippians 2:1-5

Do not worry

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew6:33-34

Estimated cost of this week

i seemed to be pretty busy this week with high project time cost.
what was the rate of output? hmm difficult to calculate. perhaps some molehills were crossed.

had quite a high percentage wastage, variation cost, and unexpected profits along the way.

to obtain help from pple, one must play the waiting game. to wait patiently... and wait... and wait. yawnz... oooh and must still have the up-beat smile and appreciation. tt's the rule of the game. i was reminded of it this week. don't give up! perseverance pays!???

restful nightly sleep... but why do i still go into deep naps (short but deep) in d middle of the day? i think i did that at least 3 times this week. =P

loong project hours... r we on the right track?

our group got shot down during tutorial. sigh... one must always not be demoralised. are we really that incompetent? does one have to 'de-sensitivise' so as to come out stronger rather than melt in d heat? is there such a thing as being moulded - stronger, better, and retaining the feeling? know wat i mean?

during the wait, got to talk to a friend a little more... it was good... was quite excited tt i could share a little of my faith and thoughts coz my friend's a non-christian and it's always exciting when they ask without me initiating... yes? hehehe... though hmm i seemed stuck for 'godly advice' again. it's as though my brain has this cabinet with a particular theme but in it is a jumbled mess and it is futile to search last min. i must ponder over it more with the Word. profit or loss?

another friend asked me whether i must go to church every week... hmm wow... but hardly got to elaborate. next time bah...

projects... can bring out the best and the worst in you... people watch. people listen. people form opinions. what will we be in their eyes? when working styles clash/unhappiness arise, where do you stand? when people become fed-up and complaint, what do you say? or do you keep quiet? will you join in? when competition arises, will you only look out for your group's interest?

"But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance" (2 Thessalonians 3:3-5)

doubting d.

a non-christian friend recently asked me if i'm going for any camps or what during the recent 4-day break. i laughed and asked if i always seem to be going for camps and stuff - underlying meaning between the 2 of us was 'christian stuff'. yeah well... heh i always seem to be busy with 'christian stuff'... perhaps my nc friends have been thinking either that i'm erm very uh-hmm religious or crazy being so busy doing things other than studying, projects, bgr, etc etc... i dare not say i'm religious partly coz it somehow implies that i'm working towards being right with God which i can never be except for His grace and mercy, and mostly coz well... i'm not hhaha... i can be eeevil as those who've seen that side of me will testify, and if doing lotsa christian stuff = religious, then i'm far short of that haha... as those who know how i refuse rather stubbornly (coz i dun wanna do it coz of pressure and etc) to do many things will nod their heads to. sigh... =P

and yes. sometimes i think i'm crazy doing things other than wat those in sch would be doing... and no... i'm not an alien! i do lotsa stupid things tt i regret but well argh tt's not the point. i'm really incoherent today.

but really, y do we do all that we do when everything will end one day? manz... it can be awfully bleak when u think abt it. slogging... straining... loving... hurting... etc n then it's over as though whatever ever happened was nothing. i would like to think (no please... don't shut ur heart...) that there's this hope of living eternally in d most awesome of place, with like-minded pple, with d most majestic person - d I AM... becoz of what I AM had done for us.

hmm if i'm really so onz/committed/passionate abt the faith i so profess, then... why don't i actively initiate communication abt God, sin, love, salvation, etc? why do i lack the courage or if i do have d courage i doubt what i've said, and its impact on pple? i've heard many times abt the various ways to share the gospel, why we should, and even been part of various activities/events/groups which aim to do tt. but still, how often do i talk about d gospel, what role God has played in my life, and brought nc to church? truth is, God has already provided me with lotsa knowledge and opportunities to share the gospel. more importantly, He has provided me with Himself. but many times i doubt my capability and credibility - juz like Moses who was reluctant to do what God wanted him to do (exodus 3-4). i fret that not only wat i say is not good enough/convincing/impactful, but tt my listener will reject me and worse - God. sigh... i also wonder when is the 'best time' but well, anytime is a good time... i guess... if i look out for it... hmm or will i say as Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."? please Lord, forgive my doubting self, forgive me for doubting You...

will i trust that God will help me speak and teach me what to say?

will i trust in Him who has been given all authority in heaven and on earth? will i go share d gospel?

He said, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (matthew 28: 20)

weight lifter

what are we burdened with?

1. work/studies
2. responsibilities
3. bag, books, laptop!!! (i'm like a turtle groaning from d load and building up muscles and strain =P)
4. guilt?
5. i'm sure there are more... can't think of them right now though...

haiz... seems like life is such a burden. are we hunch-backs from all the weight we carry around? y do we have burdens? for moulding? as punishment? to make us attuned to reality? juz becoz and we've to accept it?

life... tiring? i wanna be... free from this burden or at least have someone who can share my load. yet i also want to be hmmm independent. hahah i'm a confused person. =S

reminded of a song i'm sorry i can't remember who's d author or what's d copyright if there still is... it's called:

He will carry you... and it goes something like this (with some parts left out heh):

there is no problem too big... he cannot solve it...

there is no sorrow too deep... he cannot soothe it...

if he carried the weight of the world upon his shoulder

i know my bro/sis that he'll carry you

He said, 'come to me all who are weary and i will give you rest'

Thanks =)

Amazing... realised there are some invisible readers of my blog haha... thanks for being interested in sharing this walk with me. BIG SMILE for all of u =D haha but i'm still getting used to pple tokking to me outta no where abt wat i posted hehe.. i'll be like huh...hmmmm.... oooooohhhh... yeah yeah... heheh... so don't get me wrong if i react abit slowly or don't tok much about it in response to what you say heh...

Rose Apple aka Jambu

Rose Apples aka Jambu. Lovely deep blushing red or pale green with a pear shape. White wax like flesh that's juicy sweet. Crunchy to the bite. Lovely...

Was cutting some of them today, looking forward to eating, when i happened to chance upon some rotten cores. Such a pity. 2 out of 3 lovely looking jambus were rotten inside. they had formed a round ball in the centre, with holes, some of the holes extending to the other parts of the flesh. brownish black small ant-size and likeness stuff formed part of the ball with some of these even embedded in the other parts of the flesh. i dunno y, but i always seem to stumble upon such stuff. white little slimy crawlies squirming in a nice looking banana... rotten cored big red sweet juicy apple... a number of times too. i shall spare u the details. but well, i've formed a habit of analyzing my fruits before i eat haha... and today i took quite a pleasure in analysing my new found rotten cores. until i started to get itchy all over that is. =P hmmm funny thing is, i analyse and look for the rotten stuff in my fruits... but most times, i dun really dare analyse the rotten stuff in me. juz like my msn nick was 'see within. wat filth.', i assume that most of us are the same... not wanting to analyse ourselves too much. when i start looking at all the rot in me, i start to quiver and wonder if this is really me... and shake myself with a startle. then i'm back into my nice little rosy picture of life and shutting out the filth within. oopz juz realised it's quite ironic, shutting out the filth within. =P how do we shut out something that's within unless we acknowledge it and do something about it? hmmmm rose apple indeed. anyway i ate 1 of the 3 that i cut. heh. and it was juicy. =)

Mid-autumn at rooftop

hmm the moon wasn't bright and round yesterday. the sky was cloudy so most of the moon was covered. but that didn't dampen our spirits =)

rainy rainy day...hello!

i shall do abit of blogging heee...

yeah actually it's quite weird tt we blog for everyone to read when we used to keep diaries under lock and key... eh actually guess wat's blogged is not d deepest deepest stuff for alot of pple? or juz want to let pple noe wat's happening in our lives? or? hmm oh wasn't my point in this post haha

it's a rainy rainy day todaay! the sky was dark. the temperature low. the wind blew. the rain poured. thunder roared. lightning flashed. AND i couldn't hear myself and others in the engine canteen as we ate. hmphz super bad acoustics... of all places in the ENGINE canteen. i "huhhhh"ed a zillion times. okie i'm exaggerating but yeah... bad acoustics.

met duong at the canteen and he joined us for dinner! how nice! heh i better jot down the 5 vietnamese words i learnt from him before i forget. chao baan - hello you (general). chao an - hello older male. chao am - hello younger male/female. chao jing - hello older female. sigh i forgot the 5th word supposed to be byebye. sigh. i think i remembered the words correctly =P

new girl eileen joined us today. =) hmm i'm always so worried tt people will be put off by the late meeting/apologetic for it being late. y?? guess coz i think it's quite late too hahahah... or hmm i'm letting the timing affect rather than trusting God to convict their hearts to come despite the late meetings? :S

how much of me do u know? how much of u do i know?

Fruity FRuity

yay... THANK GOD!!! yeap really wonderful that He brought 6 international friends tonight - Ei, Toe, Duong, Nhan, Shu yue, Lijing.

we were waiting til around 9 pm and there weren't any of them in sight. but at 9 plus they started turning up! wow... and they're juz soo cute. so bubbly and easy to make friends with. Thank the good Lord!

hmm i'm feeling really fruity rite now with the durians, duku... cikgu? still can't tell =P, pomelo, jambu, pineapple... a weird mix no doubt. pray that we don't get stomach ache. =/

now... where do we go from here? *hmm my comp seems to be swaying again. isit my eyes or is the comp/table really swaying?* oh i was saying, yeah how are we gonna go from here? God please grant us wisdom, love and strength. =)

i had half a humongous vegetarian bao for dinner before the fruits. then i was hungry at 12:00 am and ate mooncake. *huge sigh* how to sleep now?? hmm glad i'm gonna have a workout tomorrow... oh no... more aches!

btw... i chose this colour coz it reminds me of the durian heheh

fruit supper party

it's fruit supper party tml! we've invited the international students in engineering and school of design and environment to come join us for this party. how many international students will come? how many cfers will come? are the fruits enough? will the mix of fruits be bad for the stomach? will they be comfortable and eager to mix and make friends? will acquaintances become friendships? will it last? will some accept Him one day?

lotsa questions. lotsa expectations. it's in His hands now. prepare our hearts.

hmmm Mavis my friend, you are right. i am bo liao today. =/ replying to emails which don't really need me to reply etc etc.

quite sian of the stuff that i'm doing that's all heh.

okie dokie shan't be bo liao anymore...