to Japan

i'm off to Japan! cyaz after! for now, i'll leave ya with some photos...


SDE BBQ @ ECP =) Try looking for moi



DND... d remnants of BRE2002/2003 cohort??

reflections

heyz... i love the time when i can juz sit back and reflect on what's happening especially when things get too chaotic and i get too exhausted to think. =) amongst what i've been thinking about are studies, work, material things, and yes... life's purpose.

it is pretty weird coming to a break in my studies and exams for now, after being in an academic environment for more than 16 years. what is it like to finally enter the working world as a permanent salary earning errrmmm adult? will i be able to accustom myself to working in an environment filled with people of diverse backgrounds, backstabbing where competition and insecurities heat up, and lotsa Over Time? will i be able to perform for what i'm paid to do? will i bend according to the wind or will i remain firmly rooted and upright? will i throw in the towel before i even give myself and the job a worthy try? these are just some questions i've been silently musing over, and yet trying to shove under the carpet for fear it sounds pure pessimistic and stumbling before i even start work. yesh. i'm starting work on the 12th of june 2006. my first permanent job. heh and i am quite excited and mixed about the whole thing... how does one describe the feelings and thoughts that fleet by in moments of insecurity, uncertainty, and yet joy and anticipation like a little girl looking forward to a promised adventure just around the corner?

it is not just about work. it is about how i'm gonna walk from here... i'm worried about my walk with God in terms of being influenced by the attitudes and ways of the working world, and whether i've the time, energy and heart to do quiet time and serve... i.e. whether God will be in the centre of my life. you know, people ask what is my plan and what dreams and aspirations do i have? and what can i say? i'm in a dilemma for part of me wants to think and do according to the world by working and upgrading in terms of professionalism and further studies and perhaps further down the road when i'm old and grey to do little things like learning more skills and setting up an inn with home cooked stuff hahaha... perhaps. the other part of me wonders whether those plans are my own selfish desires and if He is at the centre of it all... the driving force behind them... i'm ashamed to say that more often than not, He isn't. haiz... where have those thoughts and desires to do something as a lifelong mission for Him who has given me life gone? be it going to a foreign land or right here, can i and will i live in obedience and worship? there are juz so many things i've failed in, things i cannot do and things i'm struggling with... but Lord, i hope and pray that i'll be able listen with my ears and watch/see with my eyes for whatever you've placed in my path... and help me trust in you. sigh... it is soooo difficult!!!!! argh.

unofficial graduation

Last official day in school!!!

egg zams

Exam period craziness... eh... representing, from left to right, bu 2nd, 4th, and 3rd year?

will i wait for you?

when my closest friends have run on ahead... i wanna know will i wait for you.
when they go out with beautiful girls instead, tell me now will i wait for you.
will i wait for you.......... the promise i've made to you years ago was true...

just heard this song by perry and the poorboys. i sorta thought of some stuff...

when the people around me go for the things of this world, will i run with them after these same things?

when the people around me define meaning in life by their other half, career, studies, wealth... will i define my life as such?

when the people around me have gone ahead to find someone juz so they won't be lonely, will i fret and run along too?

when i've spent my days running around, will i still remember... remember what i've promised you, to give my all to you?

when years down the road, i've somehow lost sight of the starting point and the vision becomes blurred with the perspiration and the heat, will i still see the finish line?

oh that i may remember you and not lose my way in the jungle of a zillion things... that the path you've set before me years ago on that rocky road to the cross will still be clear that i may follow it through.

shooo

i think the bird likes me. it wants to play with me. *roll eye*

it played "catch me if you can" today, waited til i was out of sight before coming... and fluffed its feathers like a proud/angry peacock when i stood with hands on hip daring it to come in.

shoo!!! go away! don't you ever come again! but seems like the bird thinks this is its home... and wants us as its owner. =P roasted bird anyone? nah... never could bear do it haha... no matter how angry it makes me haha... i still clean up its dirty business. argh. puke. talk about bird flu.

People in the journey of life

I think relationships are God's greatest gift to mankind... and perhaps that's why He did so much. is it not?

yeapz, on and off i'll be thinking of the many people in my very own journey of life. i'll think about the people who came and went, the things that happened, the joy, happiness, sadness, anger... the ups and the downs. =) the thoughts that went through my mind. ooh yeah. i'm really blessed by the people whom God has brought into my life, to show me my true colours, to teach me, to love, to bring me to Him, to share my life, and basically make my life interesting heha.

okie... i'm actually lost for words now. heh *brubrubbrubb* emotions welling in thanksgiving =)

oh yeah now i remember why i started writing this post! haha oopz. sorry really haphazard and basically me lah. i'm super jumbled. =P oh yeah anywayz, I'M REALLY THANKFUL FOR THE 4 YEARS IN UNIVERSITY!!! hahah maybe 'cept for the stressful and hmm not being able to accomplish part =P it's been a really exciting 4 years for moi! i got to meet lotsa interesting pple... yesh you. those who are super lame and crappy. those who are super foodies (and many too!). those who are super hardworking and zai. i tell u... it's good to have a break now and then haha... those who are like moi... heh u noe who u are... those who are everything-also-can-juz-take-and-see-how-later, and so happens to be good jugglers. those who are slackers and fun. those who are sporty and those who attempt to be sporty. those who are passionate abt God. and many others...

and it is these very relationships that have given me much to thank God for. some have introduced different thoughts, viewpoints, believes and perceptions... thoughts i've come to cherish in challenging me to ponder over issues and appreciate what i have. i've also been encouraged and shall i say prodded along in my walk with God as i come to see more of His mercy and grace to me, to wanna play a part in His marvellous work no matter how small or big, or the problems that may surface along the way. conversations with people didn't remain as mere conversations but memories and impressions deeply lodged in my heart. they moulded me and prodded me towards a certain direction - to realise how sinful we are, and how in need of Him we are. the lostness of people as they stumble in the darkness and run in circles... the people relationships that are so fragile and so in need of a higher order to keep it together...

Who am i to say how relationships should be? but i am glad and contented for the many people i've come to know...

who am i that He should die for me? and who am i that wat i do is of any significance? but that as an offering of thanksgiving for the matchless mercy and grace given for me.

thank you for journeying with me. =)

BIRD PHOBIA

eeks. birds... you know you're really wonderful and all with ya chirpings and ability to fly in the air and colourful creatures you are... but hmm can you please please don't keep flying into my house??!!

yeap yeap my daddy loves to open the windows wide open and it does look super inviting haha... as i found out that my unit's windows are the most widely opened ones on the block. =P the birds have of late been paying us a visit and getting themselves stuck in the toilet doing their business =P argh. beats me how they know where to do their business... juz that one somehow got stuck in my house with no one around to chase it out and conveniently did its business!!!!!!!!! after the clean up, it still gives my mom n i the "beware. this is bird's territory" feeling. haiz.

heh but yeah i've quite a phobia on birds - especially its droppings haha... ever since one fateful day many years ago, when i was 'blessed' by a bird flying high above my head quaking away in glee. i was out in the garden after a nice shower, ready to go out for lunch. suddenly, i felt a knock on my head as if a stone had fallen on moi. =P to my horror, i found out that it was a bird dropping when i rubbed my head! haha... manz was i mad haha... of all things, of all times. =P

phua chu kang

Manz... lesson learnt. always remember to wear shoes!!!! how did i ever ever forget?!! *slaps forehead*

Integrated Project Mates

my Integrated Project group!! heee... don't we look like Construction Integrated Consultants? heehhe... how will we look like years later? hahaha...

english speaking corner 2006

it's back to 2 gals again... =) stephanie's and my 2 little frens =) catch up soon yar?

baby baby who are u?

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

received this in my email and tot i'll juz have a look at mine and whoala! that's what i read. grinz. I never can understand how people come up with such descriptions of whole, individual persons in such a collective manner. isn't it a bit general and conclusive? haha... how do they do it? pluck those from the clouds and dictionary? or concluded by observing and putting people of different months to the personality and character test? heee.. maybe...

whatever the case, haha... i think it does describe a bit of moi ... definitely not all... some parts here, some parts there. which ones do you think describes me? heh... perhaps you wouldn't know since i'm "difficult to fathom and to be understood", "secretive", and... unpredictable? hahah... juz find this pretty amusing. *ponders*.

ooh btw, this is one of those rare posts of mine these days! hmm... aiyah... heh... =)

exams coming up. and bang it's hols... short short hols... it's gonna be a new chapter soon... =/ anywayz happy studying and all the best to all ye muggers. cheers... as we drink from our fav mug.

okiez i'm off to bed. nitez!!!

Time gone by

heyz... it's been a while since i last posted. like the new look? hahah... thought i'll give my blog a revamp. prefer the larger reading space :P

it's been a whirlwind of a time... mostly spent on work work work. full stop. at times, i didn't even know what i was doing. i was drawn into the murky waters of projects, meetings, commitments, and the occasional panic of having to start looking for a job. basically, the ways of the world messed up in me. contradictingly, i hardly wanted to do anything. i just wanted to not do. a state of rebel i guess... or is it indifference?

it was an emotional ride too. and no matter how i tried to suppress my feelings, i think some inevitably spilled out and well i hope did not affect others too much. =P you know, sometimes i wish we weren't governed by emotions. that we wouldn't feel a thing so that nothing can affect us. let me be a robot so that i needn't be hurt, needn't be sensitive, needn't be affected by the people around me, needn't be irritated, needn't... Love. likewise, people won't expect me to be all these things, and won't be hurt too. then it won't be tiresome, won't be ugly... things can just run smoothly... it is just so hard to be loving. so hard to be someone approved. yet, we're called to love... to love God by obeying His commands, and to love one another. without love we're nothing... but my proud, sinful nature asks why should i love someone who doesn't seem to love me? why should i spend time loving when i run a risk of rejection?

....

what other answer is there but that Jesus Christ himself faced rejection from the people He loved... from me. yet, he still loved us and gave His life for us so that we may have eternal life! it's truly amazing! how did he ever do that? =P oh that one day we may all be super loving...

To: Rain

rain rain go away,
come again another day!
let that day
be at never-coming bay.

i don't wanna catch a cold,
for this i'm told,
that rain you bring the cold,
unless i hide beneath my quilt cover fold!

you fill up the holes,
splash into my poor shoe soles,
you bring a shiver to my soul
only calmed by a warm soup-filled bowl.

people don't wanna go out and play,
all the plans can go make hay,
wait til the sun comes out then say,
else i'll stay at home and make clay.

why all gloomy and sad?
are the clouds crying or thunderingly mad?
why can't you be like the sun the good lad?
oh i forgot, you have a part to play so you can't be all that bad.

rain rain do what you gotta do,
then let the dear light rule,
for we're all waiting for the sun to smile oh yes we do,
and for our shouts of joy to be heard too!

Emocomatose

i was in a state of emocomatose (emotions in comatose) the past one week or so... my very own new word to describe a complex state of feeling that brings me to no feeling-ness. great if u understand it... if not then it's okie heh coz i dun understand it myself.

maybe i know the reasons behind this 'emocomatose'... factors meshed up in a mess. i tried to untangle this mess, and pulled out a few strings.

dissertation in a dismally slow state with no mood for it. guilt towards my prof for slowness... came back on my own early the day after Christmas. sadness from leaving the family gathering and coming home to quietness. a little uneasy and unsettled coz part of the reason why i came back did not materialise in the end... but happy coz of the prcs and the time had with them... tiredness from all the rushing around, busyness, shopping, travelling, driving... boredom despite the busyness... stone-ness for watching tv to have noise in the house... lazyness to buy food to cook... not being serious in qt... silence.

ah... maybe it's the cancellation of the various factors so it balanced up to unfeeling-ness? dunno...

but praise God! He has brought me through... and i think... i think i'm slowly climbing out of that rut. ask me if i blame God for my 'emocomatose', i say... no. i couldn't coz i was emocomatose remember? tis partly my fault too... and i had some fruitful times despite my emocomatoseness. i got to know some prcs and some new acquiantances, i felt the need to talk to God coz of the silence, was reminded of the music from family noise, i realised i'm watching too much tv without much care for it anyway.

so yar. here i am with a few untangled ruffled pieces of string tt still doesn't quite make sense. tt's it. i'm gonna leave it as tt and move on. it's the new year manz! oh btw, one of the things that Pastor Chris' NYE sermon reminded me was... how do i know i'm gonna be here next NYE? hmm what am i gonna do with this uncertainty?

random-ness

• Was wondering whether i should continue blogging... i think i lost the reason y i started blogging =P
• Shall give this another go...
• The weather's real hot now... or is it me burning inside?
• PUNJ camp was HO! despite it being different from the previous camps, it was good! i was quite inconsistent in my studying of Ezekiel and there wasn't alot of heavy-duty group bible study but i still learnt much through Pastor Boon Yong's break down of the passages and relating to us, and the reflections. O Lord, Where are you? It's funny how we ask Him where He is when times are bad but kick Him aside and prostitute ourselves to the ways of the world when times are good or when we forget what He has done for us. Yet He is forever consistent despite our inconsistencies. He is faithful in words and deeds. Have we given Him the glory that He deserves? He is glory itself and He will fulfill His promises.
• Did i mention that Jesus loves you?
• Is Christmas a whole warped idea of commercial money-making festival with Santas and jinglebells and turkey and presents? Or is it a reminder of the baby Jesus Christ born on earth to die for our Sin (rejection of God)? Don't understand? Then go find out more!
• i really enjoyed the fellowship during the PUNJ camp. Got to know new people, caught up with old friends, got to know pple better. Thanks guys for making Jon feel comfortable. =) really appreciate that.
• I'm totally blurred by the many things happening/i've to do. Hope i can cope =P
• ARGH what's happening to my dissertation?!!! Lord i really need help to concentrate... FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
• okiez i should go back to dissy...

Hi there! How are you?

Hi...*grin*. How are you?

Conversations. What are conversations? How do you engage in a totally erm engaging conversation? How personal should one be in a conversation?

In today's fast paced, high-tech society where the world seems to be smaller and closer with "globalisation", have our interpersonal relationships gone a step further in improvement? From villages where you know only the village people but are involved in each other’s lives, to today's global village with a whole lot of people out there you can meet at the touch of a button but feel alienated. Have we really become an impersonal society in which we shut people out and build walls around us in an attempt to create some form of privacy?

There are so many avenues available now for us to "communicate". Like right now, I'm trying to share my thoughts on this baffling issue that has hounded me for erm well I dunno how long hah...right here in this blogging thingy where supposedly all those who know my blogging spot can read and erm know more about me and erm my inner workings. Argh. ARgh...but who are you?? I feel as though I'm talking to people out there but who? It is different from diaries where it is for me and me only to read, and my diary to keep the secrets. But here, it is not supposed to be secret. It's for people to read, people to share my life with me. But sigh... it is more of a one way communication.

MSN and SMS are the other highly popular ways of communication, WORDS... aren't they wonderful? It can be spoken, written, typed, or even imagined. Thing is, with MSN and SMS, we're not face to face, we're hidden behind a facade of high tech gizmos which help us put on masks depending on how long we can put up with the charade. Yesh, our conversations may be honest and true to who we are... but don't you just love the backspace and delete tab, the time to think or reply, the offline/busy/away mode, or just being MIA?

Which brings me to the point of my laments haha... I sound like a disgruntled person babbling away but truly, I'm baffled at communication or the lack of it. How sometimes when we meet face to face and have lotsa opportunities to engage in some comfortable conversation yet words seem to be like oxygen deep in the ocean or high up in the mountains where you struggle for words but find few and far stretched between. It's awfully laboursome. Can we say "aahhh wait for awhile or perhaps a long time, until we have something to say and better still something meaningful and deeper?" and when we meet again, will we say the same thing? How much do we know about the people around us? Peanuts? How much do we want to be involved in people's lives no matter the inconvenience?

Can you give me a little more time... no lotsa time to figure out and learn these things? It's a mountainous task... but hmm I hear God can move mountains? Heh...

bored

i'm bored.

after a month's worth of crash studying, i'm bored.

after thinking of all the wonderful things i can do once the exams are over, i'm bored.

after all the hooooo-haaaa about the leaking ceiling, d final crashing of the false ceiling and the long drawn repairing, it's become stale news.

after less than a year's worth of blogging, i'm getting bored.

hmmm do i really have such a short attention span? well, sometimes haha... when i realise that the things are not that important. when the wonders of it, the splendour, the excitement, the urgency, the surface beauty dies down... and it's all... nothing, really. perhaps i've picked up different skills, knowledge, thoughts, outlook and yeah ways to express myself. perhaps. or maybe not.

TBP

non-building students, forgive me as i rant a little abt TBP. i noe u won't mind hee...

Total BUilding Performance. it is a concept aimed at dealing with every aspect of building. from lighting to building integrity... to the well-being of the occupant. what is needed is the basic integration of the building delivery process, communication & cooperation of those involved. to integrate everything as much as possible so that it'll be perfect and satisfies every need/aspect without compromising other areas.... well something like tt...

however, due to the issues, people and limitations involved, it is hardly every likely that a building constructed by man will be perfect. me thinks that... i mean... how can something made by human hands which have been stained from inside out ever have a flawless creation? and i'm not juz talking about stains n cracks on ze walls. even if it is deemed flawless on the outset, n the intention worthy of men's praise, where does it stand in comparison with nature and creation? matchless. the earth itself is filled with the intricacies of integration. from details n little bits n pieces to huge wide scale displays of creation, everything adds up and forms a masterpiece. nothing is compromised. the creator has such a knack for details, wholeness, and creativity that there can be a burst of colours everywhere, a variety of shapes and form. a flurry of activity working together such that each depends on the other and all depend on the creator to work in tick-tock precision n timing.

how marvellous. how awesome.

food-in-a-day

i wonder what my stomach and digestive system is doing to cope with the food i'm ate today? it's a really weird mix! spicy steamboat buffet... chocolate cake... java dark chocolate with orange peel... spaghetti... orange... heee really feel sorry for it heheh... anyway, happy birthday to u November babies! and yeap was a wonderful day at Esplanade taking silly photos! haahaha... argh sigh study period is here! so fast!

hmm y can't i upload the photo?