No point...

It's ironic that my name's filled with intonations of the grace & gift
of God.. When I so often find it hard to be thankful to Him for my
existence.

What's the point of existing when I'm not a colourful person? Often
giving people awkwardness as to what to say or converse with me. How
hard I try to be fun & full of words that flow out of my mouth but the
words just don't? What's the point of trying to make the other
comfortable when i'm in turmoil inside? Maybe it's just me.. Maybe
there's no point.. Maybe... I should just be a hermit. Maybe I
shouldn't have existed.

What's the point of living when there's no fun & nothing to do? When
everything seems meaningless? What's the point of being with someone
you don't enjoy? No point..

But why God? Why? Why did you make me such? Why do I have to go thru
things normal girls don't? Why can't I be like the popular girls with
lots of admiration & whose lives seem perfect? I'm tired of trying to
carry my burden after all these years. I'm tired of having to be like
those girls. I'm tired of trying to be steady & dependable. I'm tired.