Time gone by

heyz... it's been a while since i last posted. like the new look? hahah... thought i'll give my blog a revamp. prefer the larger reading space :P

it's been a whirlwind of a time... mostly spent on work work work. full stop. at times, i didn't even know what i was doing. i was drawn into the murky waters of projects, meetings, commitments, and the occasional panic of having to start looking for a job. basically, the ways of the world messed up in me. contradictingly, i hardly wanted to do anything. i just wanted to not do. a state of rebel i guess... or is it indifference?

it was an emotional ride too. and no matter how i tried to suppress my feelings, i think some inevitably spilled out and well i hope did not affect others too much. =P you know, sometimes i wish we weren't governed by emotions. that we wouldn't feel a thing so that nothing can affect us. let me be a robot so that i needn't be hurt, needn't be sensitive, needn't be affected by the people around me, needn't be irritated, needn't... Love. likewise, people won't expect me to be all these things, and won't be hurt too. then it won't be tiresome, won't be ugly... things can just run smoothly... it is just so hard to be loving. so hard to be someone approved. yet, we're called to love... to love God by obeying His commands, and to love one another. without love we're nothing... but my proud, sinful nature asks why should i love someone who doesn't seem to love me? why should i spend time loving when i run a risk of rejection?

....

what other answer is there but that Jesus Christ himself faced rejection from the people He loved... from me. yet, he still loved us and gave His life for us so that we may have eternal life! it's truly amazing! how did he ever do that? =P oh that one day we may all be super loving...