it's lunch time now and i'm super duper full. again. with veg bee hoon with curry veg and toufoo, finished with thick kiwi juice which i've yet to finish. somehow, it's a combination which will make one's stomach stretch and say enough!
*sip*
it's the last week of hols before the sch term starts with all the projs and tests and watnots. but whilst everyone's flurrying trying to get things done or prepare for wat's to come, i feel as though school's started 10 weeks ago. =) and it's a pretty good feeling hahah... being in the groove of things and all. erhmm tt's wat i think now lah. *sip* for this sem i'm gonna have dissertation which is 8 modular credits, professional practice (construction) and total building performance as core modules. spent the most points on an engineering module: global environmental issues. heh i spent like 617 bidding points for it manz! it better be worth it haah... or rather i better make good use of it! =P *sip*
the past few days have been spent staring at the comp for long hours trying to analyze data collected on the dust concentration and temp and humidity. cheemalogy? it's juz analyzing how much air pollution we're breathing in and the effect of the temp and humidity on it. it's pretty disgusting thinking abt wat gets into our system and how it never gets out! so graphs, figures, excel, notepad, copying, pasting, extracting etcetc are now part of my ordinary life. *sip*
some how, i've been thinking abt something that was said at one of the sermons. we ask: "LORD do you LOVE ME?" we demand: "LORD show ME you LOVE ME!" but HE says: I have LOVED YOU... but have YOU loved me? *sip* (aaah... finished my kiwi juice and i'm feeling sooooo contented)I know He loves me. Though i'm in the depths of despair, though i may sink and fall, though rough storms brew and i often don't understand the things that come my way, i know. i just know He loves me. and i trust that he'll love me and keep me to the end. But...but... i cannot answer... i cannot answer his question... have i loved Him? i can simply say yes i do. but then... how? how have i loved Him? *long pause* through words? are words that come out of my mouth purely lip service and words said off the cuff through years of teaching and textbook ans like? do i love Him enough then to proclaim with words His love and wat He has done to the pple around me? i think many times, words like these just won't come out, especially when i'm outnumbered and the parties seem so sure and certain abt wat they're saying. how about actions? ahh... i'm involved in christian activities, i try to be as good as possible, i try erm try to read the bible everyday, i try to be nice. hmmmm but if i'm to die for my fren and enemy like wat Jesus did for me, hmmm i'll think twice. no thrice. no many times. ooh yes! i can serve lotsa pple just as He asked me to! heh... but honestly? i dun do it cheerfully and other-pple-centredly all the time. =P *blush* so yeah... words and actions are out. thoughts? hmmm welllll He seems to be an intimate part of my life, my thoughts... but i guess... many times other things seem to crowd Him out of the picture. people relationships, work, self, tv, fun, etc are juz some of things that are often in my mind. yes, He does have an influence on the things i do and the decisions i make. but how often i juz shut Him out becoz it's juz so inconvenient! ahhhhhh can't think of anything else tt i might be loving Him in. but no... He wants all of me! argh. are you sure Lord? can i juz give you erm 20% of my life and leave the rest for me? u know i love u...right? so u dun need so much of me to know that.... right? i need myself for myself, my frens, my recognition, my success, my ... anyway i need at least 80%. sheesh... but i know you want 100%. how can?! i'm human, i fall, i sin, i want more! i guess... i think... i feel... i know... i cannot love you like you've loved me. but if you want my love to you Lord, help me... help me to love you... may every breath tt i take, every moment of my life, be one of love for YOu. Help me Lord.
*sip*
it's the last week of hols before the sch term starts with all the projs and tests and watnots. but whilst everyone's flurrying trying to get things done or prepare for wat's to come, i feel as though school's started 10 weeks ago. =) and it's a pretty good feeling hahah... being in the groove of things and all. erhmm tt's wat i think now lah. *sip* for this sem i'm gonna have dissertation which is 8 modular credits, professional practice (construction) and total building performance as core modules. spent the most points on an engineering module: global environmental issues. heh i spent like 617 bidding points for it manz! it better be worth it haah... or rather i better make good use of it! =P *sip*
the past few days have been spent staring at the comp for long hours trying to analyze data collected on the dust concentration and temp and humidity. cheemalogy? it's juz analyzing how much air pollution we're breathing in and the effect of the temp and humidity on it. it's pretty disgusting thinking abt wat gets into our system and how it never gets out! so graphs, figures, excel, notepad, copying, pasting, extracting etcetc are now part of my ordinary life. *sip*
some how, i've been thinking abt something that was said at one of the sermons. we ask: "LORD do you LOVE ME?" we demand: "LORD show ME you LOVE ME!" but HE says: I have LOVED YOU... but have YOU loved me? *sip* (aaah... finished my kiwi juice and i'm feeling sooooo contented)I know He loves me. Though i'm in the depths of despair, though i may sink and fall, though rough storms brew and i often don't understand the things that come my way, i know. i just know He loves me. and i trust that he'll love me and keep me to the end. But...but... i cannot answer... i cannot answer his question... have i loved Him? i can simply say yes i do. but then... how? how have i loved Him? *long pause* through words? are words that come out of my mouth purely lip service and words said off the cuff through years of teaching and textbook ans like? do i love Him enough then to proclaim with words His love and wat He has done to the pple around me? i think many times, words like these just won't come out, especially when i'm outnumbered and the parties seem so sure and certain abt wat they're saying. how about actions? ahh... i'm involved in christian activities, i try to be as good as possible, i try erm try to read the bible everyday, i try to be nice. hmmmm but if i'm to die for my fren and enemy like wat Jesus did for me, hmmm i'll think twice. no thrice. no many times. ooh yes! i can serve lotsa pple just as He asked me to! heh... but honestly? i dun do it cheerfully and other-pple-centredly all the time. =P *blush* so yeah... words and actions are out. thoughts? hmmm welllll He seems to be an intimate part of my life, my thoughts... but i guess... many times other things seem to crowd Him out of the picture. people relationships, work, self, tv, fun, etc are juz some of things that are often in my mind. yes, He does have an influence on the things i do and the decisions i make. but how often i juz shut Him out becoz it's juz so inconvenient! ahhhhhh can't think of anything else tt i might be loving Him in. but no... He wants all of me! argh. are you sure Lord? can i juz give you erm 20% of my life and leave the rest for me? u know i love u...right? so u dun need so much of me to know that.... right? i need myself for myself, my frens, my recognition, my success, my ... anyway i need at least 80%. sheesh... but i know you want 100%. how can?! i'm human, i fall, i sin, i want more! i guess... i think... i feel... i know... i cannot love you like you've loved me. but if you want my love to you Lord, help me... help me to love you... may every breath tt i take, every moment of my life, be one of love for YOu. Help me Lord.
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